About Me

My photo
Princes Risborough, Buckinghamshire, United Kingdom

Life, sometimes, is a real bitch!

My favorite lady

Her embrace radiates this calm
And I relax, into her arms.
Her big brown eyes lure me in,
Deeper and deeper the souls sucked in.
Into the river, into the sea
I breath and she sighs,
A casual, long sigh.
Then rests her head under my chin.
Her heart beating next to mine
And a harmony begins, to chime.

I have never been an animal person. The kids had rabbits after I had built a 2 story rabbit mansion, but that’s another story. I never really gazed into the eyes of an animal and looked deep into their soul until recently. She is a dog and she is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. She just takes your affection whether you want to part with it or not and she does this without making a single demand on you. Before I knew it, I was sucked into this soul, considering my eyes and literally caressing my soul, like she knew there was something wrong. I spent the whole of yesterday afternoon cuddling this creature and her letting me. She made me feel so calm and peaceful. Her owner on the other hand, I think, felt a tad bit jealous!
As for the owner, well she was subjected to remarks about her limited knowledge of technology, she laughs. I rant she interrupts and sometimes changes the story, she realizes that if it’s important I’ll come back to it. I realise I talk a too much about my children, well that’s me and I know she listens to me repeat things. I’m losing the plot and I remind myself, that it’s okay because I have no choice whatsoever other than to be me because I have no energy to be anyone else.
If I could scream it at the top of my lungs to the whole world, I would. I could not be prouder of both my children, for their love, respect, generosity, honesty and true kindness. My best friend reminded me tonight, something I had forgotten and that is, they are my blood. They are the absolute best parts of me and the best parts of the world they are living in. They are 2 fantastic human beings and I’m not saying this because they are my children but truly they touch people in their lives. Of course, I’m saying this because I am biased, I am their mother and if I don’t say it who else will tell them, that they are beautiful human beings. Maybe this is about me facing my own mortality because even though this disease is treatable, I must face the fact I will be monitored for a considerable period over the coming years to ensure the cancer does not return. Even if it doesn’t return in the first 5 years there is no guarantee that it will never return. So, what they are really saying is we can monitor you but there is no definitive conclusion, available. All research is based on the recorded medical reason for death, as being cancer, however we don’t really know how many people die from other illnesses that only develop because of an immune system being shattered by Chemotherapy. In any event, it’s here and there is absolutely nothing I can do about this, other than live and cherish the relationships I have, be they, strangers, colleagues, friends and family, every day. I have every intention of living my life for me and no one else, until of course I have grandchildren! Well, that’ll be another story! Be kind to one another because it's so easy to take people for granted!
The 2 songs that hit home today are: Editors ‘an end has a start’. And Nina Simone ‘Ain’t Got No, I Got Life’.

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