Insanity
The
definition of insanity, doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a
different outcome. I promised myself, that was not going to happen from here on,
but blimey I feel insane at times. Like I have lost the plot completely. So,
last week I replied to an e-mail, but addressed the e-mail to another person. Earlier
in the week I put the incorrect postcode of the hospital into, good old google
and again to another place. Yesterday, I turned up to the hairdressers a week
early, then I could not find my car in the car park. I must have walked round
level 4 twice thinking, I know this is the level. Walked by it once and didn’t
even realize. Was I loosing the plot? A friend told me tonight that it’s a safety
strategy (psychological flight).. designed to protect me from overwhelm and
feelings of annihilation and that it was normal. I had some idea from the days
I studied psychology but someone has confirmed it and validated my own
thoughts. Our bodies do some strange things to manage a situation, when it is
under attack, things we have no understanding of as lay people. Our human
psyche is incredibly complexed and given we are all unique, it’s incredible
that research can ascertain patterns of behaviour. Anyway, given I now forget
things literally as I put the phone down, so I know my short-term memory loop
is in overload and does not retain the information. I have resorted to a paper
diary, ensuring I write things down whilst on the phone. However, after today’s
incident with the hairdresser, I must now remember to check the times and dates
of appointments twice with whomever I am speaking to. Ironic, isn’t is that I’m
having to remember to engage in a different process in addition to the existing one. I believe much of this, is adapting and making the most of the
resources available to you and I realised, that was something I have done all
my life, utilised the limited resources available to me to source a positive
outcome, generally for us as a family, now I must do it for myself. So, if
nothing else, do one thing for yourself today and make yourself feel worth it
and worthwhile and that includes (M) keep painting those nails, lol.
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