If Its Not Meant To Be, It's Not Meant TO F.......... BE!!!!!

Feb 9 – Why songs matter? Don’t you find they can sometimes say exactly what your feeling at that very moment. Well, I’m listening to good old Tracy, ‘Born to Fight’. Earlier in the day I had asked my landlady if she didn’t mind putting the water on so I could have a bath. She told me to wait and that was 2 hours ago. So surely the water is now hot, off I go, dressing gown, epilator, mud mask, have a pamper I tell myself. I can’t tell you how much I love baths but I can’t really have one here because her boiler doesn’t generate enough hot water to have a decent amount of water in the bath. This was an exception.

I had been to see the consultant this morning, mostly all goobldy goop. My daughter was on loudspeaker so I’m sure she’ll run through it with me later. All I know is the CAT scan was clear. There may be some issues with some lymph nodes but the MRI will pick that up next week. She asked some more questions and I realize she is extremely worried about this thing coming back and the recovery period. A whole year, A WHOLE F………. YEAR OF MY LIFE! Great.

 I’ve calmed down. So I talk to a dear friend who I have not spoken to, for a long time, too long sometimes. Why do we do that? Why do we get blind sighted by everyday life and lose touch with people who have touched our hearts along the way? Who knows but we are all guilty of that, me included. I have an explanation for that, it’s called techno phobe, even though as parents we say, I will not become my parent, we all do. We stop learning and that’s what I did stopped and technology whizzed by and I became afraid of using it. My daughter has been telling me do a blog for such a long time. I know she is so proud.

I called my younger brother today and left a message for him. I also sent him the link to this blog, ‘watch this space’.

So I was saying, I’m heading for a small soak in the bath, Tracy in my ears, I turn the water on, let it run, I get undressed and get in and sit down without thinking about it. The water is cold. I turn it off and sit in a pool of cold water. I close my eyes and hear the words, 'I was born to fight’. The tears come and I wipe them away. I get out and decide not to have a bath. Some things in life are just meant to be and some are not and today a bath was not meant to be!