tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25427028903772697732024-03-18T21:36:24.860-07:00Breast cancer and the afterlifeLawyer. Mother. Battling breast cancer. Mental health advocate. Blogging about the little-known side of life as a person. Read on for moments that you wouldn't dream of sharing. Harjithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853558258772340327noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2542702890377269773.post-37439931173180625182019-10-28T00:29:00.001-07:002019-10-28T00:29:18.839-07:00Health and travelling
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<br />
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8 weeks after the Diep surgery I decided
I was going to go abroad and visit a friend of mine who lives just outside of
Split in Croatia. I had found some cheap flights from Bristol with a stopover
in Venice, a place I’d always wanted to visit. Brought myself a decent pair of
comfortable walking boots, knowing I would be on my feet for a while and
because the toe nails still hurt. The flight was an early morning flight, so I
set off around 4 a.m. in the morning, only having slept 2 hours the night
before as sleep has been very poor. Got on the plane and went to lift my
suitcase to find I didn’t have the strength and bent my thumb nail back in the
process, which then started bleeding. I got on the taxi boat from the airport
to Venice around 11am, very tired. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Google maps is great if I’m in a
car but walking, not so and after walking over several bridges and through many
cobbled roads I locate the hostel where I now have to carry my suitcase up
several flights of stairs. Anyhow, by the time I got to Croatia, my body was literally
screaming at me with exhaustion which was not really surprising given I was
still recovering from surgery, but this trip sealed my future plans to travel. In
discovering this new-found freedom, I decided that I was going to go travelling
and see as much of the world as I possibly can before I get older and my health
prevents me, but in order to do this I had to develop some level of fitness and
so I hit the gym. I started swimming, doing weights and Pilates. For anyone who
has never done Pilates I really recommend this after any surgery as I realised
how off balance and weak my body was.<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> During this period most people would
comment on how well I looked but inside my body felt 20 years older than what
it is. The bones ached, the muscles ached and added to this was lack of sleep
and hot flushes, where I’m about to nod off and my heads just heats up, sweat
builds up on my face and the heat descends down my body, legs and arms. I wipe
myself down and then I am cold and wide awake, so I try again. This could go on
all night or several times a night breaking my sleep and leaving me mentally
foggy and unable to function. So, I am having to take some medication to try
and resolve this so I can sleep and function in a day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Despite all of this, before my next surgery in
August, I went off to Mallorca and then in July to Switzerland, then after
surgery to Paris and Ireland in September. In late August I had further surgery
to correct some of the scarring and I had an implant inserted into the other
breast as the right one was now considerably fuller than the left and there was
a noticeable difference in clothes. The surgeon corrected what is referred to
as a dog ear on the right side of my stomach, he corrected the scarring on the
right breast and inserted an implant into the left one. The proceeding few
weeks involved giving my son a considerable number of driving lessons so he
could pass his test not the ideal way to recover from surgery, but it had to be
done. I also had to pack all of my stuff and move it so that I could actually
go travelling for a substantial period of time. I also organised a Charity
Event with the landlady from the Whiteleaf in Princes Risborough so I could
raise money for the <a href="https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/harjit-gill">bike
ride</a> and Cancer. I honestly could not believe the generosity of local
people in Princes Risborough and I managed to raise £568 which allowed me to
hit my target of £1000 before I left for my travels. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I waited 6 weeks and as soon as my consultant
confirmed everything was healing well I applied for a visa and booked a flight
to Myanmar with a view to travel around South East Asia. If you would like to
see pictures of my travels and where I am please follow my journey on
Instagram, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/harjitg2/">harjitg2</a>.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Harjithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853558258772340327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2542702890377269773.post-65310269780540429542019-06-05T13:47:00.001-07:002019-06-05T14:38:19.141-07:00Our World<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
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<br />
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It occurred to me listening to a
discussion on LBC, about Danny Baker, that it seems like there is a real rise of
extreme behaviours, almost as though we have forgotten how to treat people with
respect. Not to say that Danny Baker’s comments were extreme, certainly stupid
but extreme no and he paid the price. Then you have people like Lord Sugar who
can get away with tweeting what is overtly racist and not sanctioned in any
way. Politicians in recent local elections and per se are being verbally and
physically abused, there’s a rise in anti-Semitic remarks, Nazi signs being
painted, University students making rape threats, etc, etc…….. Not to mention protests over educating our next generations on LGBT rights. Then there’s a woman
in the States who is having to pay for her own substitute at work whilst she
goes through breast cancer and only recently Alabama has banned abortions! <o:p></o:p></div>
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I’m a bit concerned about the World
I live in, especially having grown up with some form of
prejudice. Up until recently I thought I lived in a progressive western society
but now, not so much!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNsqrDG43pmyKeaq0oezg_kTrVjDSsI4-fDWeiWZxnh0XU1sUpVC47e4Q63tw8FvZCfuwwxFOsX6MVyRnnf8uVQZXchndL-n_muCbwkt80HoQZ-Oby69XH5siXj_e4Ae0ryjTKx72-jtQ/s1600/download.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNsqrDG43pmyKeaq0oezg_kTrVjDSsI4-fDWeiWZxnh0XU1sUpVC47e4Q63tw8FvZCfuwwxFOsX6MVyRnnf8uVQZXchndL-n_muCbwkt80HoQZ-Oby69XH5siXj_e4Ae0ryjTKx72-jtQ/s1600/download.png" /></a></div>
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Is the World going backwards or
what! History tells me that most Civil unrests in the World occurred as a
result of inequality in society. If our governments and Judicial system continue
to promote inequality, there will be a rise in extremism creating Civil unrest!
But then what do I know! <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I am now 10 weeks on from my DIEP surgery and I am doing
well. I am officially in remission which is great. I have been swimming,
cycling, Pilates, etc because I am on a mission to get fit and well, so that I
can go travelling. It’s absolutely true that your perspective on life changes through
this journey and for a little while I have decided to focus on my health and plan
a journey of a different kind. I recently went to Venice and Croatia and
realised my own limitations following all this treatment as well as how much I
enjoyed travelling. Perhaps see for myself if the world really is doing a U
turn. So, my next blog is about the limitations you face when traveling as a single
woman whose body is weak from Chemo and having had major surgery some 12 weeks
ago and what I have been doing to get fit. I have also signed up to do a 100km
bike ride next year to raise money for Breast Cancer Care. Please sponsor me at
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/harjit-gill"><span style="color: blue;">https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/harjit-gill</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Harjithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853558258772340327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2542702890377269773.post-90817999815885617942019-03-06T15:06:00.002-08:002019-06-05T12:15:42.809-07:00She Can be Rebuilt!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
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This is now the final leg of this
long journey and all I can say, <span style="background: #bcc5c1; color: #333333; font-family: "tahoma" , sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt;">“</span><span style="background: #bcc5c1; color: #333333;">We can rebuild her. We have the <span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; padding: 0cm;">technology. We</span> can make her better than she was
before: better, stronger, faster.”</span><span style="color: white; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-style-textfill-fill-gradientfill-shade-rectfill-pctbottom: 0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-gradientfill-shade-rectfill-pctleft: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-gradientfill-shade-rectfill-pctright: 0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-gradientfill-shade-rectfill-pcttop: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-gradientfill-shadetype: path-circle; mso-style-textfill-fill-gradientfill-stoplist: "0 \#959595 0 100000 shade=30000 satm=115000\,50000 \#D6D6D6 0 100000 shade=67500 satm=115000\,100000 \#FFFFFF 0 100000 shade=100000 satm=115000"; mso-style-textfill-type: gradient; mso-themecolor: background1;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
I’m not sure I’m stronger or
faster but I have definitely been rebuilt in the words of the bionic woman!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
On my way home, driving down a
country lane, a warning light appeared on the car informing me that there was a
malfunction with the steering wheel. I couldn’t believe it given the car had literally
just come out of the garage after a MOT and service. It was also quite scary
when the steering wheel refused to turn. So, I found the nearest layby and
stopped the car, at which point everything died. I had 12% battery life on my
telephone and could not remember for the life of me who I had recovery with. I
knew I had renewed it whilst going through Chemo but could I remember the name,
no. Not to mention the fact I was conscious not to drain the battery whilst
searching for the details given I would have to call the company once I found
their details! Fortunately, I found the details and called them but now I
needed a toilet and you know how it is when you can’t distract yourself, well I
had nothing to distract myself with. I even considered going in the layby but
when I got out of the car it was too cold and exposed, that I couldn’t. Every
car that went by me beeped because I had no hazards on as all of the electrics had
died. So, I waited, and I waited, getting colder and colder. Recovery arrived
at 11pm and it took the gentleman half an hour to load the car onto the truck.
It was 1pm when I arrived home freezing cold. I then had to get myself down to
the garage by 8am because I needed the car to collect the kids who were both
travelling to me prior to the surgery. The car was fixed some £400 later, another
expense I didn’t need especially with no income coming in. The day after I
spent all day at the hospital undergoing various scans but whilst at hospital I
was told I had to wait for a blood thinning injection prior to surgery which
meant I overstayed the time on the pay and display ticket receiving a parking
charge notice of £70. Again, would it not make more sense to pay on exit rather
than a pay and display system in a hospital, granted most hospital appointments
are rarely on time! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
The surgery itself went well. I
was closely monitored, every hour the first night and then every 2 hours the
following night and then every 4 hours after that. I cannot praise the nursing
staff on ward 11 at High Wycombe enough for their patience and support. The
consultant and the nursing staff were all brilliant and I had all the dressings
removed 2 days ago. I was now allowed to use stairs and have a bath. My
daughter had come over for a week and helped with food and washing which was
great but there’s nothing like being able to sit in a bath and washing
yourself. There is also nothing like a good night’s sleep in a bed and not a
sofa. So, the last 2 nights have been in bed and I have actually slept despite
the fact I have to sleep on my back with my knees bent. I am a little more
mobile but given my stomach has been cut from one end to the other it is going
to take time before I can do anything normal given we use our core muscles for
many things. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Overall, I do feel like I have
been rebuilt over the years, what with metal plates in my jaw from when I broke
it in Thailand, metal screws in my knee from a football injury and now a new
breast from my own fat and finally a flat stomach and new belly button. What
more could a woman of my age want! Anyhow, the battle continues both physically
and mentally to deal with the everyday challenges and consequences of being
diagnosed with breast cancer.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Harjithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853558258772340327noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2542702890377269773.post-58098961486541038762019-01-14T17:01:00.001-08:002019-04-15T03:10:18.945-07:00Happy New Year!<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
I know not when you arrived<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Or when I became your host<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
I know not whether you’ll return<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Or pass like ships in the dark.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Your silence is deafening<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Any words would be cheap.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
For now, I am alone, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Examining this heap.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
A lump in my chest and toes in
pain<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Premature grey all over my crown.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
For you another day, another prey<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
I’m just one of many<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
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<span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-themecolor: text1;">Happy
New Year! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-themecolor: text1;">I
know, where did that year go? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-themecolor: text1;">You could
reasonably assume that given I was ill, perhaps the year dragged a little, but
it surprisingly didn’t and that’s probably because so much happened last year. Recap,
I had a diagnosis of breast cancer, I had 2 operations, I underwent
chemotherapy, as well as having my heart broken and treated badly by others. Work essentially has
been the one stable and constant part of my life and all I wanted to do was go
back to work and get my mind active as well as earn a living. The thing is you can’t
make any plans or participate in social activities if you have no income. So, I
am sure you can imagine that by Christmas I was feeling let down by numerous
people who had led me to believe that I could rely on them. The whole rug had
now been pulled out from underneath me and there was nothing I could do but
topple over. As well as all this it’s only been 2 months since I finished Chemo.
I am telling this story to whoever chooses to read this blog, not because I want
anyone to feel sorry for me but a reminder to myself that it has been a
challenging year to say the least, but it is history now and it’s time to take
control and move forward.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-themecolor: text1;">The
reality is this is an illness I had no control over and the whole purpose of
our Equality Act is to ensure that people like me are treated fairly. A friend
of mine reminded me of how many minority groups I represent which made me
really giggle. I practically tick every box going, so now I’m disabled as well!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-themecolor: text1;">The
hair has been growing back slowly however nobody warned me of the risk of going
grey and I am now 70 % grey and this whole process is transforming who I
physically used to look like. I am embracing the short grey hair and you know
if I’d not had cancer I would not have realised how much short hair suits me.
Silver linings hey! My muscles still hurt some days if I have walked and my
toes still hurt but the fog in my brain is clearing and I can see things more
clearly now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-themecolor: text1;">The
next stage of treatment involves further surgery. I met with the consultant who
would potentially perform my DIEP surgery, another lovely man, kind and calm.
Listened to my concerns and was honest with me about the whole process. So what
is a DIEP?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: black;">A <span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">DIEP flap</span> is a type of </span><span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;"><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breast_reconstruction" title="Breast reconstruction"><span style="background: white; color: black; text-decoration: none;">breast
reconstruction</span></a><span style="background: white;"> in which </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_vessels" title="Blood vessels"><span style="background: white; color: black; text-decoration: none;">blood vessels</span></a><span style="background: white;"> called
deep inferior epigastric perforators (DIEP), as well as the </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skin" title="Skin"><span style="background: white; color: black; text-decoration: none;">skin</span></a><span style="background: white;"> and </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fat" title="Fat"><span style="background: white; color: black; text-decoration: none;">fat</span></a><span style="background: white;"> connected to them, are removed from the
lower </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abdomen" title="Abdomen"><span style="background: white; color: black; text-decoration: none;">abdomen</span></a><span style="background: white;"> and transferred to the chest to reconstruct a
breast after </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mastectomy" title="Mastectomy"><span style="background: white; color: black; text-decoration: none;">mastectomy</span></a><span style="background: white;"> without the sacrifice of any of the abdominal muscles.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-themecolor: text1;">Thanks
to Wikipedia.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-themecolor: text1;">I
opted for a Diep flap because I felt it was the right option for me and I
really didn’t want an implant. Had I had a double mastectomy, I may have gone
for implants for the sake of symmetry which I can only achieve with my own
tissue in my case. I felt quite anxious that the surgeon who operated on me
last year did not perform Diep surgery.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-themecolor: text1;">So I
was relieved, that I liked this consultant and felt relatively safe. He
explained the procedure and made notes to ensure I remembered the important factors
and here is one of those.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-themecolor: text1;">The
consultant informs me that I will have a completely flat stomach, I couldn’t believe
it! Of course, he does also tell me that it’s a big operation, 5-6 hours long,
I will struggle to walk for 2 weeks and that I will be hospital for at least 5
days and that the first 48 hours is critical and I will be in a lot of
discomfort. Recovery time is at least 3-4 months before I feel like myself. But
all I can remember when I get in to my car is I’m going to have a flat stomach.
Another silver lining!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-themecolor: text1;">I laugh
and focus on the positives whilst I pack boxes and begin another part of this
journey and hope that it won’t be as bumpy as the last. A friend of mine reminded
me that last year was about survival whereas this year is about thriving. My landlords
is being extremely supportive and I will be moving in, shortly with my best
friend. He has been a true friend. Be kind to one another.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Harjithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853558258772340327noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2542702890377269773.post-1483436327970575872018-11-09T11:13:00.001-08:002019-04-15T03:11:06.033-07:003 weeks post chemo<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
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<br />
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So for about 2 out of these 3
weeks I have felt like I have had the flu. My bones ached and every nerve has
been hypersensitive, from my toe nails right to the tips of my finger nails. My
toe nails and finger nails ached so much that I did not want to go out as that
would mean having to put on shoes. The minute I put shoes on my toes and toe
nails throbbed. Every time I washed up or cooked and especially trying to peel
plastic film off containers my finger nails throbbed. To the extent that wringing
a cloth to clean was painful. 3 weeks on my nerve endings are still sensitive
but nothing like it has been. Lets turn to the hair, well I have dark hair and
so my hair on my arms and legs was dark. I had some white on my head but now
that my hair is starting to grow back I look like John Snow, seriously that is
not a good luck. I have more white hair on my head than before and the hair on
my arms and legs is also white. I didn’t realise that Chemo could affect the
pigmentation of my hair. On the plus side you can’t see the hair as much as
before and believe you me that will save a lot of hair removal time! <o:p></o:p></div>
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Oh and then there are the eyes, I
no longer have any eye lashes and my eyes constantly water and then the water
stings the skin around the eyes drying it out. To the point I nearly hit a
cyclist whilst driving in Bristol or a dark rainy night. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Then there’s the issue of food
and taste buds which are still off and the upset tummy on numerous occasions
but I know the end is near and all this should return to normal soon.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Finally the Chemo brain and just
not being with it. Well what can I say, I survived the last 5 months without
doing anything stupid or forgetful albeit I have had several near misses and if
I was at work I definitely would have been negligent. However, the last couple
of days have been busy and I was in Devon picking up some stuff, whilst down
there I thought I would return stuff that belonged to my ex that she had not
been able to take. This communication led to her sending me an e-mail. Anyhow
me and my son stopped off at the service on the M4 on our return and as we sat
down I received a call from Barclaycard about some transactions on my card.
Apparently, someone had spent over 200 pounds on the card online, so they had
to cancel the card due to the compromise. I then saw the e-mail and started
reading it, whilst reading this upsetting e-mail, phone in hand we left the
service station. My son telling me to hurry up and to stop reading as he was
eager to get home. We arrive home an hour later only to discover that I had
left my handbag at the services. I was so annoyed with myself and the only
thing that concerned me was my Chemo card and a pair of earrings my daughter
had bought for me. My son immediately rang the service station, explained the
situation only to be informed that they had not recovered a red handbag. He
even insisted they look again at the table where we were seated. The purse
contained my drivers license, which I needed to hire a van to move my son’s
things at the weekend. Obviously when I told him that he was not best pleased
and started on at me albeit he made me realise that I had to cancel my cards
quickly as someone could spend quite a bit through the contactless facility.
Anyhow, once he started I disappeared to the bath for some respite. At that
point I saw a message pop up from my reflexologist on Facebook, informing me
that someone had contacted her in an attempt to locate me and that was because
I had her card in my purse. She sent me the gentleman’s name and contact number
who lone behold lived 40 minutes away and attempted to contact me urgently so
that I would not have to cancel any of my cards. I really could not believe
that this person had picked up my handbag and then made all this effort to
contact me to return it. I then met his wife today and she invited me in for a
cuppa and I spent an hour chatting to this lovely lady. What a lovely couple
and it is people like this who restore my faith in humanity.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Harjithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853558258772340327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2542702890377269773.post-75064709217029695582018-10-20T08:03:00.000-07:002018-10-20T08:03:28.867-07:00End of Chemo
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
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Today I had my last Chemo. I
really can’t believe it! I’m absolutely ecstatic! I’ve been on such a high this
week that I thought I would reach out to a friend and say hey life is too short
for grudges and move on pleasantly. Can you believe she fixated on something
that happened 4 weeks ago when we parted company than the simple fact that its
my last Chemo tomorrow and this is someone who supposed to care about me!
Seriously is that too much to expect from a friend! I don’t know, but please do
tell me. Not to mention the fact the 2 people I have given more too than anyone
else did not even acknowledge today. It still surprises me at how some people
in this world are so self-absorbed that they cannot see beyond themselves. My
daughter says that there are 2 types of people in this world, drains and
radiators and I have decided that I no longer wish to be around people who
drain me because they are thoughtless individuals. Disappointed is the word, to
say the least! Don’t get me wrong, albeit I feel let down, I am also thankful
to all my friends, family, BMI staff and all the other individuals I have met
throughout this journey and especially to both my son and daughter and work. I received
some beautiful messages and flowers from people who genuinely care. Its so
true, you do find out who your true friends are when the going gets tough. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Anyhow I’m in such a good mood
and have been all week that nothing can affect it. Having said that physically
this week has been the worse. I felt extremely poorly physically last week,
like I had the flu. Every little part of me aches, right down to my fingertips.
I don’t want to go out because I don’t want to put shoes on as they hurt my
toes. I have a red lump on my back that hurts and is possibly infected, so must
remember to mention it tomorrow. One of my toe nails is coming off and the
other just throbs all the time if any pressure is applied.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
The nerves in the right foot are
still not normal after the episode with my back, so that foot feels strange all
the time anyway. I know this week will be taxing and I will be having the port
removed next week so just a little bit longer and I will start to mend
physically.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
The end is near, and I am hoping
to go away in November for a few days and I really can’t wait to be free from
these chains and live.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
The journey is not over though, I
will be having another operation in 3 month’s time but nothing compares to
Chemo so that should be manageable.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
It has been a long journey and a
useful and enlightening interlude to life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Harjithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853558258772340327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2542702890377269773.post-34305637858637617402018-10-05T02:20:00.001-07:002018-10-05T02:20:28.404-07:00Nearly There!
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Sometimes there is sorrow <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
And sometimes there is pain<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Often there is grief <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
And no one to blame.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
The land of limbo<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Is coming to an end<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Yet the journey hardens<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
With every step.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Let it go <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
And let it be<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
The mantra continues<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Find my qi and peace will follow.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Number 9 done today. 3 more weeks
and no more Chemo. God this has been one hell of a journey, a rollercoaster of
emotions at both extremes. I have felt both sorrow and love like never before
and those are good things because at least I can feel these emotions, so I tell
myself. Hey I have to make myself feel better! <o:p></o:p></div>
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So, my acupuncture and the
needles going in to the port really hurt last week, to the point that my eyes
welled up and the nurse commented on it being the first time she had seen me
cry. That’s how painful it was! When the acupuncture needles went in, oh boy 2
of them really hurt and then this morning. It was an extreme f…ing moment where
the needle reverberated one of my nerves and the therapist had to take the
needle out. This means the anxiety kicks in because now you expect one of the
next needles, she inserts, to set off another nerve. I wait in anticipation as
the anxiety begins to build. Now then, I say to myself, where is that rational
side, rational, pational, I say just deal with the emotions, she is telling you
that it is unlikely to happen so trust the professional. In the meantime my son
is trying to distract me by playing the trailer to the latest season of dare
devil. It’s a marvel series on Netflix and yes I am sad but it keeps me
entertained. In fact I have learned more about the marvel universe this year
than anything else, thanks son!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Yesterday when I went in for my
bloods. The nurse, who has now taken my bloods for the last 3 weeks and has been
great. Alison, cleans the inside of my elbow, places the rubber band around my
arm as I make a fist, sitting in a blue chair, in a clinical room with a desk
on the right. We talk about giving up smoking, she’s been vaping. I tell I have
one and will get it out. She inserts the needle into my arm, just after she
tells there is going to be a sharp scratch. No blood comes, oh not again, I
think, please don’t let that happen again. She jiggles the needle a little bit
but nothing happens. Then she pushes on the needle and all of a sudden I hear a
pop, sorry guys if that is too much detail, but something popped and blood came
rushing out. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
I could tell she wasn’t comfortable
doing that and later said she felt the vain was pushing against the needle and
albeit not experienced this with me, she had experienced it with other patients
undergoing Chemo. She informed me that one of the side effects of Chemo can be
the veins become thicker and that would also explain why I had felt in a lot
more pain last week also. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Who knows! Was it because of the
Chemo or was it because I had a particularly stressful week and the hot flushes
had returned to normal and were coming thick and fast night, so I had been
sleep deprived. The acupuncturist believed my nerves were extra sensitive
because of the additional stress in life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
So I decided to look in to what
happens when your body is under considerable stress, like mine. Well our brain
releases a chemical called cortisol and by the way this is only own
interpretation of the chemical reactions that go on in the body, and even that
derived itself from google. Sometimes I think our younger generations will be
clones of google. Anyhow the body goes into a fight or flight response when the
brain perceives danger, during this time the brain releases a chemical called
cortisol and one of the side effects of having huge amounts of cortisol in your
body is that your body starts to fight itself and you develop auto immune
responses. So I developed these little lumps over my fingers which became quite
inflamed last week. Another thing I learned was that cortisol can have
deleterious effects on the immune system and thus delays the body healing
itself. All of this is interesting and it sort of explains why we as humans
develop individual responses to coping with stress. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
That is in no way to say that I’m
not feeling sorry for myself, I feel incredibly let down by some people, yet
others have extended warmth during this particularly difficult period. One of
my friends described it as being a mole burrowing in a dark tunnel and not
being able to see any light but eventually the burrowing becomes tiresome and
you just want to give up. Even returning to work is extremely appealing at this
moment despite it being extremely stressful. So what does that say about me!
Well I know it tells me that this journey was really long and there is nothing
I want more than to return to my normal life. I have now seen the Oncologist
for the last time, unless I develop any unusual<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>symptoms in the last 3 weeks of Chemo and that is definitely something
worth celebrating!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
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The last 3 weeks and weekend have
been like this, despite trying to get clarification on things and trying to
resolve issues, I realised that I can’t do this alone and if people are not willing
to meet me half way, then what am I doing, just banging my head against a brick
wall. So the definition of insanity comes to mind, ‘doing the same thing over
and over again but expecting a different outcome’. This had to stop, I no
longer want to do the same thing over and over so I took some control. There
are some situations in life which you cannot change because others are
unwilling to compromise and without compromise no 2 people can build a relationship
of any sort. future. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
One of the first steps of the 12
step program is admitting that we are powerless over alcohol and out lives had
become unmanageable. I realised whilst attending Al Anon that you could apply
this step to any situation in life and that is exactly what I did with the
cancer and any other situation that has occurred since. The acceptance of being
powerless allowed me to accept that I have no control over what is happening
and therefore I am powerless. Being powerless, to me, meant that I am not in
control of what is happening to me but what I can control is how I deal with
the situation because I am in control of what I eat, what help I access and how
I manage my own emotions and I am learning everyday about myself and who I have
become during this journey.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Some of the things I have learned
about myself through this journey is that I am actually important. As an Asian
woman of my generation I was brought up to focus on everybody else except
myself, to put my fathers and mothers needs first, to put my brothers needs
first, to put the family first, to put my husband’s needs first and then as a
mother to put my children’s needs before my own. Now I am putting my own needs first,
not by being selfish but being assertive and looking after myself. So on that
note I highly recommend acupuncture to anyone who is going through the menopause.
I have now<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>had 3 sessions where needles
are inserted into pressure points on m y feet and legs and albeit I am still
having hot flushes they are much calmer than they were originally and less
frequent. The other therapy I would highly recommend is reflexology, not only
is it extremely relaxing but it’s also extremely therapeutic. If you live in
London or the surrounding counties and you have breast cancer you can access
these therapies at the Breast Cancer Haven. The clinic is a charitable
organisation and an excellent resource for anyone suffering with this condition
and you can find more information about the clinic in the following article that
was written by my friend who attended the induction with me and on their
website. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/breast-cancer-haven-all-helen-moss-black?lipi=urn%3Ali%3Apage%3Ad_flagship3_inshare%3BRNjOHqJkR%2Fip6jt%2BS1sVyQ%3D%3D<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Harjithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853558258772340327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2542702890377269773.post-90962791848896921472018-09-05T14:08:00.000-07:002018-09-17T10:45:20.489-07:00Halfway into Chemo<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">I’ve completely lost track of time, days and
appointments, given it has been almost 3 months since I last updated my blog. Mainly
because so much has happened since Chemo began to me, both physically and
mentally, that I have been unable to focus on anything else. It is amazing what
the body can endure physically if you are well mentally and vis versa. All
medical staff that I had contact with at the outset told me that my mental
attitude would affect my recovery and my blog today looks at the journey of
Chemo thus far. Mental health is so important, and I cannot thank Al anon
enough for the support they offer. It is there slogans that keep me balanced
and rational without getting to caught up in my own head or the stresses life
presents. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Chemo Brain and Body<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">Sometimes
it’s unknown<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">The
road life takes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">Unfamiliar
with everything<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">You
have owned.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">Sometimes
your patience<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">Wears
you thin<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">Unable
to carry <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">The
heavy load within.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">Sometimes
your body<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">Turns
for the worst<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">And
organs scream <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">To
replenish the thirst.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">Sometimes
the eyes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">Are
blinded by fog<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">Grasping
to threads<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">As
faith is dislodged.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">Sometime
the heart <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">Can
give no more<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">So
you dig deep <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">To
find a bit more.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-themecolor: text1;">By the beginning of June I had completed 2
sessions of Chemo and was still trying to resolve administrative issues
associated with moving. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">The plate is full and I can’t see the wood
from the trees. I try and deal with one thing at a time and each time hit a
brick wall. One of those brick walls was Scottish power with whom I had
accumulated a debt from my home in Devon. The thing is the debt wasn’t all mine
because I wasn’t even living there but I am responsible for the payment of it.
I call Scottish Power to set up a repayment plan. I explain about my illness
and the situation to the young man and why I have incurred the debt. I ask if
Scottish Power have any schemes to assist individuals like me who are diagnosed
with sudden illnesses. I had to repeat this several times because apparently,
he could not understand what I was asking. I then proceed to ask him what the
minimum payment Scottish power would accept as a monthly instalment plan and
that way I can make an informed decision about how much I can repay a month to
repay this debt. He informed me that Scottish Power did not offer instalment
plans and given I had used the energy why did I think I didn’t need to pay the
debt. I’m now at a loss and am struggling to think clearly now. I tell the
adviser I would like to make a complaint and he refuses to give me his name. He
then agrees that I can set up a repayment plan, some 45 minutes later and
starts to go through the process. He then puts me on hold, returns and tells me
the account has been closed and someone from the back room will contact me. He
hangs up. I was so upset given that morning Slough Council was a similar
experience and not to mention the fact that the landlord has not rectified
issues in the flat and the list goes on. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">The
worst thing about this, is that it’s not over and I have to deal with this
another day and at the moment I have no energy what so ever to deal with
anything. So then come further upsets and challenges, all of which are a
learning curve. Why does any type of learning have to be difficult or at least
hard work?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">I
go away with my friend to the coast, her sister and their friends, none of whom
I know very well. The chemo starts taking its toll on me and I am on the loo every
time I eat. To add insult to injury food had to be specific and at the moment it was
carbs and salty fatty food, specifically sausages and chips. I have eaten more
chips in the last few months that I did in the last decade. What I discovered
during this weekend away was my body was struggling with these chemicals which
was having a knock-on effect on my ability to think clearly or have confidence
in myself and therefore preventing me from being able to relay my needs to
anyone. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">I
began to lose trust in myself my own confidence. Trust is a funny one. There
must be many people like me who have to rebuild their trust in themselves and
this is where supportive friends and family come in and mine have continually reminded
me of who I am and to not be so hard on myself as I am going through Chemo,
something I continually forget because I just want to get on with living. Friends
and family have given me opportunities to reflect my own thoughts and feelings
and perform checks and balances surrounding my own behaviour. So I have become
very aware of what is happening to me both physically and mentally. This means
I was able to take precautions very quickly when in July I felt utter despair.
There was a sudden change in mood and I couldn’t understand where it had come
from. Rather than work it out I got on to my GP and got myself on some
anti-depressants. I carry on going to work 2 days a week but then the locum
started on at me about my caseload and before I knew it I could feel this
intense pressure building up in my head. I realised that I needed to go home
and not be in this environment. So now I’m signed off sick again because the
pressure at work was too much to manage. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">After
a few weeks I was due to return to work at the beginning of August and honestly,
I was looking forward to it because now I had had one weekly session of Taxol
and that was nothing like the red stuff. I could finally taste coffee again and
food was tasting nice. My friend took me for a roast and you know what it was
amazing, it was the most I had eaten in a long time. So just as things begin to
pick up and I start feeling more like myself something happened to my back and
my right leg. I went to bed Sunday night with an ache and by Monday morning I
was crippled with pain in my back and leg. Most of the leg had gone numb and I
was so worried due to the sudden onset. My friend drove over specially to take
me to the doctors who wanted to speak to my oncologist and get me in for some
scans. The reality being they were checking to see if the cancer had metastasised.
I was then booked on for an MRI and xray and an appointment with the oncologist,
who then arranged for me to be seen by the orthopaedic surgeon in the same day.
Anyhow I have 2 protruding disks on the left and the right. The right one has
hit the sciatic nerve which is affecting the sensation in my leg. So now I can’t
sit or drive and I can’t get back to work. So the GP signs me off for another
month. My Chemo was then delayed for a week because my white blood cells were
low and I was given a ton more medication.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">Then
the weekly chemo’s continued, and I am due to have number 6 this week. So I now
dislike coffee again and most food tastes off. I went to my favourite
restaurant the other night feeling excited at the thought of eating this south Indian
food I had not tasted for 4 years. Lone behold it all tasted bland and
tasteless. I was so disappointed. My son told me though it was exactly as he
had remembered so it was me. Great!! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">Added
to all of this mix has been the onset of menopause. I have had no periods since
my third cycle of the EC and I have had to endure the onset of hot flushes for
the past 4 weeks which means that I have been subjected to broken sleep every
night since. Seriously! If you haven’t got enough to deal with lets add sleep
deprivation to the list as well. My son said to me today that he did not think
that I would respond to treatment as well as I have and funny enough my
daughter told me the same thing last week. One of her friend’s mother is also
going through a similar journey and her body has reacted negatively to the
Chemo to the point she no longer wants to continue with the treatment. Despite
having Chemo brain, being bald, hot flushes, lack of sleep, numb leg, I still
feel fairly well mentally. Besides its not such a bad thing having to deal with
everything in one go then hopefully there will be less to deal with at a later
date or at least I hope there will be less. Just to clarify no one really
prepares you for the menopause so at the for the last 4 weeks its been fleece
on, fleece off all day long. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">Let’s
not forget the blood tests because for the past 3 weeks every time they go in
to my vein no blood comes and the nurse jiggles the needle around a few times
to hit the vein. Well last Thursday the nurse put the needle in, couldn’t find
the vein so he jiggled it around a few times, eventually he hit the vein but
the blood only filled one tub and then stopped flowing when he attached the
second tube so then he takes the tube off and leaves the needle dangling while
he gets another tube. Still no blood. So now he takes the needle out of my arm
and puts a new one in. Again he does not hit a vein and has to jiggle the
needle around again. Finally he hit the vein and the tube filled. Afterwards he
says, are you ok’. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">‘What
do you think’, is what I wanted to say but there was no point because all I
wanted to do was get out of the hospital. In case I haven’t explained
previously they are not allowed to take blood from the right arm so they go in
to the same vein in my left arm every week. Oh except for one week where she
had to go in to my hand and made it ache the whole day. Sometimes I just want
my body back and for everyone else to stop prodding it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">So
my Friday started with acupuncture at 8.30, this is supposed to help with the
hot flushes referred by the Oncologist before we try any other treatment. My
insurance company have done nothing but argue with me about the fact they believe
this to be a therapy and not a treatment and because I have used my therapies
budget on physiotherapy they will not pay for more than 4 sessions. They are
stipulating that acupuncture falls within the definition of therapy and not
treatment. You see if it fell within the definition of treatment then I could
have as many as I needed. The whole point of having private health insurance is
to be able to access treatment for these issues that are occurring because of
the cancer. So I need to look at the policy and challenge the definition. If acupuncture
is a therapy then why is chemotherapy not a therapy. That’s because I believe it’s
a treatment in the same way acupuncture for hot flushes is a treatment and if
it works it avoids the need to take medication. If I can’t find a way to manage
these symptoms I will not be able to function like a good capitalist citizen
and earn a living.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">I
have more needles inserted in to my legs and feet this time. Ordinarily they
are not supposed to hurt but a couple of them do hurt, and one hurt when she
removed the needle. So it wouldn’t be surprising if I now developed a phobia of
needles. I feel it though now, the anxiety build up every time I go for a blood
test. After acupuncture I moved on to Chemo and then I left the hospital some 3
and half hours later to get to the Osteopath. Another therapy I have to pay for
just so that I help my back get back to a healthy state.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">Essentially,
I am living in a state of limbo where I am completely powerless to all of these
external forces that are impacting on my ability to have any control over my
life what so ever. I tell myself most days all I can do is take control of the
things I am able to, to try and help myself the best I can. 2 more months and
this will be over!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">Halfway<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">When
the chips are down<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">And
Life knocks you to the ground<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">What
do you do<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">Where
do you turn.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">When
there is no more<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">No
more to give<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">The
body’s fucked off<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">And
so is the head.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">When
the tubes have dried<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">And
veins are empty<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">The
muscles say no<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">They’ve
given plenty.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">When
still you want more <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">And
more you’ll take<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">Despite
my tears,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-themecolor: text1;">Just
give me a break.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Harjithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853558258772340327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2542702890377269773.post-87329842516853527022018-05-07T02:28:00.000-07:002018-05-07T02:28:15.246-07:00First Chemo session
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">It’s now been 2 days since I had my first
session of Chemotherapy and it is 5.30 Sunday morning and I really want a glass
of orange juice but I don’t buy juices so there is none, oh well. So, let’s
talk about the procedure, my son and I turn up about 9.15 in the morning to the
unit and it is very quiet except for the nurses on duty that morning. The
lovely Charmaine explains what she is going to do and gives me an anti-sickness
tablet to start with. She is from Trinidad and I tell her my best friend is
from Trinidad also, who she hopes to meet at some point during this process. About
40 minutes later Charmaine returns with a bag of more anti-sickness drugs, she
then inserts a needle into the port and attaches the bag to the drip. Once this
has finished she returns and injects the port with 3 huge syringes of red
liquid and then a saline solution to clean the port. Whilst she is doing this
my body starts to feel cold and suddenly, I’m really hungry. Fortunately, there
are biscuits and my son assists. I then send him off to get his hair cut as my
treatment is finished and I feel very tired suddenly. I know I fell asleep for
about 15-20 minutes as the lunch lady woke me up when she bought my soup. I was
pleased to see food and ate everything because I was so ravenous. I then had a
physio appointment which wasn’t the greatest idea because all I really wanted
to do was go to sleep. After Physio, I didn’t feel too bad so my son and I went
shopping, I was pre-empting feeling poorly and hadn’t been able to go shopping
earlier in the week. By the time we got to the checkout I was getting techy
with my son and he asked me to stop speaking to him like that. I realised that
it wasn’t fair on him and I was embarrassing him in front of other people. I
apologised to him in the car and got us home.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">My friend came round with dinner, a beef stew
made out of bone marrow, which took some preparation and patience because I
watched her do it earlier in the week. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her
aim was to get some real goodness into me even if I didn’t eat a great deal. I
made some suet from the beef dripping that came off the bones and we put a suet
crust on the stew. The dinner was delicious but by the time it came to eating,
I was feeling really sick and only managed a small amount. I was feeling like I
was pregnant again with my son, which I didn’t think would ever happen again,
it was bad enough the first time. I couldn’t eat a great deal because I just
wanted to throw up and then my body went into some sort of shock and I was
really cold. All evening I felt very sick and very cold. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The following morning, I ate half a piece of
toast with a cup of tea. I didn’t like the taste of the tea, I didn’t want
coffee which is what I normally have because of the smell so it was water. I
had a lovely morning in Windsor and we went on the rowing boats and got some
fresh air even though I felt queasy most of the morning. The hospital had given
me a choice of whether I wanted to come in the following day and they administer
an injection or whether I wanted to do it myself. I opted for the second option
so I gave myself the injection into my stomach. The injection would help my
body produce white blood cells from my bone marrow which would subsequently
make my bones ache. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">So as well as feeling sick my legs ached most
of Sunday and I was so frustrated with myself again for not being able to do
the things I would ordinarily do without thinking. During these few days I
noticed that when I slept I was sweating more and my clothes smelt, the sheets
smelt, so clothes needed to be washed and the flat needed cleaning, but my legs
ached so much that everything was done at a snail’s pace. As well as all this I
have managed to mess up my medications by not taking them at the right time,
but I know they are anti-sickness drugs so I’m hoping they haven’t caused me to
much disruption. I will report it though to the oncologist in any event. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I have also discovered that 3 days on, I love
the taste of salad cream and I don’t like anything sweet, any smells of any
sort except fresh air and fortunately the weather is beautiful and I can
thoroughly enjoy fresh air. Albeit, I am fed up of my body not feeling my own,
not to mention the breast having strange sensations over the last few days as
though something is moving around in it, I keep telling myself, one down and that’s
it. I’m not going to count how many are left because there is no point in
reminding myself of how long this journey really is. I’m doing today and today
alone and even though I have had tearful moments over the last couple of days,
I also have moments like now where the grass has been freshly cut and the smell
of fresh air fills my lungs whilst I sit and look out on fields blooming with
nature, reminding me that the cycle of life continues regardless.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Harjithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853558258772340327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2542702890377269773.post-85034984296256214372018-04-22T08:02:00.000-07:002018-04-22T08:02:26.570-07:00Past 4 weeks of cancer
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">4 weeks<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The earth’s
axis tilted<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">All at once
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Crossroads
appeared.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Which path
to take,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Which one
is clear.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Surrounded
by fear.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Who do you
trust.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The head
and the heart battle,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The body
too faces struggles.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Confidence
begins to shatter,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">And you lose
yourself<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">On an emotional
platter.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Highs and
lows<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Come one
after the other.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">What a hand
dealt the dealer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">She blew
out the cobs webs <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">And brushed
herself down.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Gave more
of heart <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Than she’d
ever owned.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The strength
in an embrace<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Restored
her faith<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">And balance
was restored once again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">My previous
blog talked about the journey and sometimes the journey is bloody hard and
unfair. A couple of weeks ago I was so angry at the situation and my own
inability to get on and do things. Having said this I could see that I had not
slept properly for some time and I was also feeling very sick and my stomach
felt very poorly coupled with the pain in my right side, made me feel very low.
I woke up 3 hours after I had gone to bed and I was really hungry at 6 in the morning.
I went in to the kitchen, the one I have hardly been in since being in the
flat, so I have no idea where anything is. I go to pick the kettle up and
remember that I can’t use my right arm because the kettle is too heavy. I
decide to fill the kettle with 2 small cups of water rather than take the
kettle to the tap. Once boiled I realised that I still needed to lift it to
pour water in to the cafeteria. I try to do this with my left but my left hand shakes,
especially when I’m stressed so that isn’t easy. I then try and locate a frying
pan but it’s out of reach, so I use a saucepan to make some eggs. I try and use
my right arm just to break some butter with the wooden spoon but I struggle to
do that because I don’t have enough strength in my right arm. I get the butter
in and break the eggs in, which also requires movement. Then I realise I can’t
turn the salt and pepper mills to get some seasoning in the eggs because they
are stiff. At that point, I have tears rolling down my eyes and I was so upset
with myself. The thing is my son had told me the night before to just wake him
when I need something but I get more stressed relying on other people to do
things for me as they never do them in the time or the way I do it. I sat down
to eat my eggs and only managed half as I was now feeling even more sick and
frustrated. I then started to think about my life and how bloody hard it’s been
and before you know it everything feels negative. Fortunately, this passed but
not without the care and concern from friends and supportive words. So then, I
make a start on my life admin. This is what the children call all those tasks
that involve sitting in one place and dealing with your affairs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">All the
utilities, TV license, driver’s license, banks, credit cards and the list goes
on. The move was exhausting not to mention the operation but the lymph nodes
were clear and that was amazing given each time I had gone to the hospital, I
walked away with more negativity. Then last week I was completely shattered and
struggled on a couple of days to even wash because the arm and shoulder hurt so
much. On top of which they decide to insert a port, which involves another
procedure, where they cut just near your arm, my right arm now and just below
the collar bone and then insert a port between the two to allow them to
administer Chemo intravenously without injecting the veins. My whole neck hurt,
my head hurt and I really had, had enough of everything. Last night I realised
how frightened I was of the future and how you stop thinking about it to the
point you won’t allow yourself either to dream or even look ahead and whilst
living in the moment is great, sometimes fear sets in and it’s become difficult
to see the wood from the trees. Despite all this I went out with my friends
Friday night and had so much fun because essentially life stops for no one and to
get through it we all need friends and family and I am blessed to have people
in my life who care.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Harjithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853558258772340327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2542702890377269773.post-78203426198628487462018-04-04T16:10:00.002-07:002018-04-04T23:17:56.234-07:00Cancer's journey really does suck!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">We all walk
through life hoping to get somewhere and forever focussed on the end goal, be
that a job, a relationship, where we want to live, etc. Often we all forget to
enjoy the journey because we are so focussed on the end goal. I have been
guilty of this most of my life, as I have focussed on bringing up my children
and getting a career, however since last year I started to consider the present
more than the past and the future and interestingly the cancer journey has also
forced me to focus on the present. I realise that I don’t need to get anywhere
fast, all I must do is live this journey to the best of my ability so I can be
as healthy as I possibly can to live and enjoy the present. Why worry about a
future that we have no control over! What will be will be. So as I post this I
remind myself to live for today and enjoy the day regardless. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I am back
in hospital and we are discussing my treatment and the fact I have to have some
sort of port inserted into my collar bone after today’s procedure. This will
allow Chemotherapy treatment to be administered intravenously without using the
veins in my left arm continuously. So my son suggests that he jack me up to his
guitar from the port and play music which they both find hilarious. Humour is definitely
the best medicine when you’re worried and as long as he doesn’t jack me up to
his amplifier it should be ok.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The
attitude of the nurse yesterday morning was so poor that I wonder why some
people do the job they do. She asked me all the relevant questions without
engaging with me whatsoever and then just left the room without going through
the procedure. She returned and put a packet of socks on the bed but still
failed to tell me when I would be collected, whether I needed to wear the socks
because I did not recall having to wear them the last time. The kids and I
looked at each other wondering what would happen next, so my son went to locate
the nurse and ask her to go through the procedure. She was apparently quite
rude and told him that I should know the procedure given I was in hospital not
that long ago. This is not the sort of attitude you expect from anyone when you
are going in for an operation. I have an excuse to be rude and stroppy but why
do these professionals think it is appropriate to behave in this way. It’s not
just been this nurse but others also have behaved as though they are doing you
a favour, e.g. the nurse who brought my medication. The jug of water is quite
heavy and I am not allowed or able to lift with my right hand and I am unable
to lift with the left hand because of the weight. This does not occur to the
nurse despite the fact she is supposed to be caring for breast cancer patients.
She only pours the water when I ask her to so I can take my medication. I am
appalled at the attitude and service this place has provided. When I arrived
yesterday morning reception asked me to check my details and lone behold they
have the name of my GP wrong again. I make a point of this and the receptionist
tries to fob me off with a very poor explanation of how my GP may not be
registered on their list. Then why bother asking for these details if they don’t
correspond with their lists. The last time I was here and having an ultrasound
on my breast, my son was told not to sit in the waiting room directly opposite
the rooms as women were changing, however when I was getting changed the nurse
left the room opening the door. Opposite the door were 2 chairs in the waiting
room, sitting on the one, that faced directly in to the room I was in was a man
who could see everything as I changed. This happened twice once when the nurse
left the room and then when she entered. I was so exhausted on this day to even
raise this with the staff and somehow, I don’t think it would have made any
difference. A few years ago I had a motorbike accident in Thailand and was
treated in a private hospital in Phukett. The care provided by the nursing
staff was second to none, from how they removed dressings to how they spoke to
you. I noticed when I returned to the UK how different our care was. So what
has happened? Are our healthcare staff overworked and underpaid? I would have
considered this a possibility if I was in an NHS hospital and not a private
hospital. These are certainly issues I will be raising with the board of this
hospital.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Also the
nurse asked me for the same information I was asked 4 weeks ago, the same
information the anaesthetist asked a few minutes later. She completed the same
paperwork that was completed 4 weeks ago. I look at the paperwork and wonder
why in todays modern world this hospital is using paper records which is a
complete waste of money and resources. Why are they not investing in modern
technology and have digital records and information for nurses to access which
would subsequently reduce the amount of time they would have to spend doing administrative
tasks and increase the patient care time. Or am I thick?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I had my lymph
nodes removed yesterday and the pain was excruciating inside, that tears just
rolled down my cheeks. It’s easier now but it is so much more uncomfortable
than the mastectomy and reconstruction. Oh and not to mention the dreaded drain
again so no wonder I’ve been unable to sleep despite having had an anaesthetic.
Ah well I have all day tomorrow to sleep given I’ll be in hospital another
night tomorrow. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">When I
spoke to the surgeon this morning and he was highlighting the risks of this
type of surgery. He explained the risk of lymphedema, swelling of the arm,
infection in the implant and numbness in the top part of the arm. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was worrying especially as I already know
how easy it is for nerves to be damaged in surgery. As a result of surgery I
have numbness in my left leg from an<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>ACL
reconstruction, I also have numbness on the right side of my jaw after I broke
my jaw in Thailand. So I know only too well however my arm is still functioning
well and there is no numbness, what a relief! Having said this the surgeon
informed me that I have to be careful with my right arm from hereon. In other
words I have to be very careful not to cut it or subject it to any type of
trauma, he specifically used the example of gardening and being careful that
nothing cuts the arm or hand. Also if I travel on flights I have to wear a
stocking on the arm to protect it. I ask the children to buy me one of those
cancer bands to wear on the right wrist as a reminder because its so easy to
forget and allow a medical profession to carry out a procedure on that arm. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Today it has been hard to tell myself to enjoy a journey where my right arm is in so much discomfort and even more incapacitated than I was before. </span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Sometimes the
nights are long <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">And the world
has deserted me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">No one here
to hold my hand<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Or bring
comfort to the pain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">You come
alone and leave alone<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Life stops,
not for you or me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Walk the
line and shed some tears.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Pain is
just a journey.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Everywhere I
have been<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">And everything
these eyes see<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I see
alone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Because the
world has no sympathy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--EndFragment--><br />Harjithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853558258772340327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2542702890377269773.post-29246894051170051202018-03-30T11:20:00.001-07:002018-03-30T11:21:23.668-07:00Life is difficult enough as it is!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Blame<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Do not blame those with a past<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">As our history is written today.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Tomorrow the present is no more<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">A new dawn lights the way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Do not blame those in darkness<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Unable to follow the light.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Living in fear and turmoil<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Letting history define their way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Do not blame walled hearts<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">They’ve closed themselves away<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Unable to commit to a lifetime<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Despite the promises, they make.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Forgive those who cannot awaken<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">From spells, they conjure themselves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Shutting doors before they’ve opened<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Frightened what their past may say.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Yesterday I witnessed 2 young women having a
disagreement over an issue. One of those was my daughter and I was so impressed
how the 2 of them resolved the issue by talking about how each of them made one
another feel. To communicate with another about how you feel, the other party (whoever
they may be) should be receptive to listening to your feelings before they get
angry at you for being upset. When someone gets angry at you because you have
raised an issue that has upset you, it’s because you have challenged their decision-making
process. Some of us can see the challenge, recognise it for what it is and
respond accordingly there and then. That way issues are discussed instantly and
resolved. Others get angry instantly as they feel threatened, powerless or
frustrated, so they are less likely to hear what is being said, words are then
misconstrued and issues escalate. The discussion between these 2 young women
was normal and healthy, they both had a voice and a right to air their
grievances.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I have spent a large part of my life not
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courage to raise something or do something that someone else did not like or want
to hear the repercussions were quite severe. For example, if I stood up to my family
they would stop talking to both me and my children and therefore I have not
seen them in over 10 years. Today I try to air my concerns regardless of the
repercussions and sometimes that means saying things that people may not want
to hear because the one thing we all have is a voice and a right to exercise
that voice. My only rule is that I try and do it in a calm and constructive
manner even if I’m really upset and angry. It doesn’t always work with the children
though but my son recently reminded me that having just had surgery and diagnosed
with breast cancer I have an absolute right to get angry and if others don’t
like it, it’s actually their problem. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">In the last 5 week’s my friend raised several
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and took on board that she didn’t like what I was saying because of her own
insecurities or because I made her feel a particular way. My part was to respect
her feelings and listen to her because at that time is was about her and not
me. To me that is normal especially when you are getting to know someone but I
struggle to understand why she didn’t give me the same respect when I told her
I felt let down. It was still not about me but about how I had made her feel by
raising my concerns. I had insulted her!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Today I reflect on what has happened and asked
this person to meet before I go into surgery on Tuesday so we could may be talk
about what had happened. Of course, this would make me feel better before
surgery (but then it’s not about me) because the whole situation has upset me
considerably and some closure would certainly make me feel better since it has
been almost a week. However, she is spending her weekend with family and is not
available. She recognised that I would be busy on Tuesday due to the surgery
but suggested she come and see me on Wednesday. Given that I would be in
hospital overnight and just having had surgery not ideal! So again, another
issue in my life that will have to remain unresolved for at least a few weeks
until I am able to drive and meet her. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Harjithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853558258772340327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2542702890377269773.post-81064117285195989552018-03-27T06:00:00.001-07:002018-03-27T06:00:13.528-07:00The fall out of Cancer
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Here we are in Copenhagen to spend a few days with
my daughter and attend an Editors concert which my daughter organised for me
for my birthday and mother’s day. Just my luck I have come on, on the flight,
not what you need when its already pouring inside. The tears won’t stop and I
feel like a broken person inside both physically and emotionally. We have been in
our new home for 2 days. I’m sleeping on a blow-up mattress which isn’t too bad
because I have no mattress for the bed. It should be a happy time moving in to
a new home but I’m finding everything frustrating from opening the drawers in
the kitchen which are quite stiff so I must remember not to pull with my right
hand to realising the cupboards are quite high and require you to stretch which
I am unable to. I also realise how limited I am in what I can do and when you
have been independent most of your life it is difficult to rely on others to
help you especially when I like things done my way. I look around the flat and
if I had the energy everything would have been unpacked and organised with
least amount of stress but that is not possible and so my son and his friend
have unpacked all of my stuff. It is so infuriating that my son and his mate
are having to unpack my smalls and organise my shit. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">What a rollercoaster these past few weeks have
been and its not even been 4 weeks since I had surgery! Sometimes life throws
some real crap at you. I only really rested for about 2 weeks and
then I was told by the consultant that 3 out of the 5 lymph nodes they removed
during the mastectomy were cancerous so they may have to remove more or they
may suggest Chemo, that depended on decision of the multi-disciplinary team. So
they arranged an appointment for me with the oncologist. I then informed my
insurer of the name of the oncologist to ensure I was covered and it transpired
that they would only pay 60% of his fees because he does not sign up to their
fee regime. I may have jumped to a conclusion but all that says to me at this
moment in time is that he is charging more for his expertise however when he
joined the profession, did he not sign up to a moral and ethical code, ‘ A
Physician shall be dedicated to providing competent medical care with
compassion and respect for human dignity and rights’. Since when did these
services become commodities?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Well my son and I attended our first
appointment with him and he was trying to fob us off almost as though he didn’t
have time to discuss my treatment and kept re-iterating that my consultant
would discuss my treatment further and not him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">So the next time I attended an appointment with
my consultant I told him as much. I have also asked my insurers to provide me with
details of why some consultants sign up to a fee regime and some don’t. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">The tall and short of it is that I must have
another operation to have more lymph nodes removed to see if anymore are
cancerous. This will happen on the 3<sup>rd</sup> April 18 which means another
drain for another week and more discomfort.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They are going to give me 2 weeks or so to recover and I will have my
first dose of Chemo. I will then have Chemo every 3 weeks for 12 weeks and then
every week for another 12 weeks. Due to swelling the Frankenstein boob, had to
have another scan to check there was no build up of fluid, which there hasn’t
but the area has been swollen for some time and my chest area periodically
feels very tight as though I can’t breath. The breast care nurse did give me
the once over yesterday and confirmed I was fit to travel. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Basically, I had a very small window within which
to find somewhere to live because I couldn’t live with my best friend forever,
logistically it was not feasible albeit he has been absolutely wonderful by
allowing us to stay.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">As you can tell we did find somewhere to live
which is a 5-minute walk from work. That was important because it meant I don’t
have to drive if I don’t feel up to it and still get to work. This also brought
about its own difficulties in that I needed to go to Devon and pack the house
which meant asking the Ex and the current tenant to leave. She was not best
pleased and made life incredibly difficult by doing various things on of them
being, leaving most of her stuff in the house when I had just gone and packed
all of my stuff at the weekend. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">That was a difficult journey back from Devon because
on the way back we were caught in bad weather that I didn’t anticipate. We left
at 6 p.m. and didn’t get to my best friends until 12.30 a.m. in the morning. I
swelled up after that and then I did another trip in the week because that
suited someone else because they were busy at the weekend. That was a day after
I turned another year older, which was an incredibly stressful day but for
other reasons. I wished I’d not agreed because I would have done things in my
time and they would not have been witness to my shit. I opened my life to them because
they insisted on being part of it. I have never expected anything from this person
and they have always surprised me and each time they have given whole heartedly
but they didn’t today and they let me down. I do feel quite broken and I’m struggling
to put myself together a bit like humpty dumpty. I’m only human, I’m at my
lowest and its ok for others to shit on me and no I am not being a victim, just
give me a break. There is only so much one person can deal with. So in one week
I turned a year older, told I have to have another operation because there are
cancerous cells remaining, shitted on by various people because of the mistakes
of my past, (who doesn’t make mistakes) packed a house in Devon and moved in to
a flat with my son and dumped. All in a week’s work hey. The one thing I can
say is that whilst I may be broken today and I may be broken for a little
while, I still have the capacity to take a chance on life because life is too
short. Tell that one person you care even if they don't want to know then you will have no regrets.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Harjithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853558258772340327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2542702890377269773.post-53177228518002562242018-03-12T18:55:00.002-07:002018-03-12T19:05:15.751-07:00Drama Queen<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">March 12- Today has been the first day where I have felt poorly
in quite a while. I know that may sound strange, given I have just had major
surgery but it’s true. So, I’ve had a tummy upset for over 24 hours and this
morning I soiled myself in front of my son. I legged it to the toilet and after
this, my son and my best friend have done nothing but take the piss out of me
all day. I then contacted my GP about feeling unwell and he told me to stop
taking the anti-biotics as they are likely to have caused the stomach upset. He
was not aware of how long it had been since the operation and had received no
documentation from the hospital. I agreed to forward the letter the hospital
gave to me for his attention. I also recalled that when the hospital discharged
me, the letter they gave to me was addressed to a completely different GP and I
recalled questioning them, about this. At which point they amended the letter
with my correct GP details. I informed my GP of this and how incompetent
Princess Margaret hospital administration was given I had already provided them
with my GP details twice, verbally and in writing. He empathized and agreed to
obtain my medical information from my consultant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some 2 hours later I receive a text message
from my consultants PA apologizing for having to re-arrange my appointment, but
due to re-arrangements of the clinic she asked if I could see the consultant
the following day at another hospital. Now I’m really annoyed because I’ve not
had a shower for 2 weeks and he was going to take the dressings off which would
allow me to shower tomorrow. I decided to call his office and be assertive. I
informed them that I was not prepared to change the appointment and also I was
not prepared to argue the issue with my insurers who would only pay 60% of the
costs of being seen at a hospital that was not Princess Margaret. So, no I
asked to be seen at Princess Margaret. My consultants PA was not available and
I was informed she would get back to me. Shortly after, my consultant called me
and apologised for the confusion and confirmed he would still like to see me
tomorrow. I informed him of the lack of information that my GP had received and
he said he had informed my GP of the outcome of the surgery and with other
information but he would check if this was sent. He confirmed I should stop the
anti-biotics as they would have caused the stomach upset. He also reminded me to
register with a national health GP as the whole process is likely to last 18
months to 2 years. Great it’s now gone from 1 year to 2 years, WTF. Can I have
a cig?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Amongst all this I have a flat viewing booked that now needs
to be re-arranged. Not to mention the fact I had one of my worst and best weeks
of my life last week. Could this get any more emotional!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I ring my daughter for some sympathy and when I tell her
that I had an accident this morning she tells her house mate and they are cracking
up with laughter. Seriously was anyone going to take this shit seriously, it
was all pants I find myself saying and my daughter just laughs, ‘exactly mum’.
What can I say but laugh. I tell her this better not go any further and she
says she wouldn’t tell anyone else. I wasn’t concerned about anyone else
because her house mate would tell everyone, who then said she had made a doodle
of it and posted it on Instagram. This is not why we have children!! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Having said that, I woke up this morning to such a beautiful
message from my daughter, she called me a superstar. I would say the superstar
in these circumstances was the managing director of Ticket.dk. So, my daughter had
booked her flight to Australia through this company and when she informed them
of my condition they were very unsympathetic, they refused to give her a refund
and she was getting stressed. Because of this I did some research into the
company and the CEO of the company. On Sunday morning, I sent the CEO an e-mail
in the following terms:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Dear Katarina<u1:p></u1:p></span><span style="color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I write to you following international women’s
day and to another female who has clearly achieved a great deal in receiving an
award of young managing director of the year.<u1:p></u1:p></span><span style="color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I write on behalf of my daughter who lives and
works in Copenhagen. She booked a flight to Australia in January through
ticket.dk. We were due to visit my son in Australia in March, however shortly
after booking flights I was diagnosed with breast cancer and underwent a
mastectomy on 27 February 2018. Unfortunately, I still have some cancerous
cells and will need to undergo chemotherapy in the next 5-6 weeks. I booked
flights in the UK through another travel agency and my daughter booked flights
through ticket.dk. The diagnosis came only 2 weeks or so after we had booked
the flights. Neither myself nor my daughter had taken out insurance as this was
our next step but were consumed with the news of the cancer. I am in the
process of recovering a refund from my travel agency in relation to my flight.<span class="apple-converted-space"> <u1:p></u1:p></span></span><span style="color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Because of the diagnosis my daughter has had
to travel to the UK several times to assist me as I live on my own and will
continue to do so in the next year whilst I undergo chemotherapy.<span class="apple-converted-space"> <u1:p></u1:p></span></span><span style="color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Due to time constraints, stress and the fact
my daughter was having to travel to the UK several times as well maintain her
job in Copenhagen she did not have time to contact the travel agency until last
week. The flight was booked through Ticket.dk and with Qatar airlines. Qatar
airlines confirmed to my daughter that they would not have an issue with authorizing
a refund however the request would have to be made via the travel agency. She
spoke to an adviser at Ticket.dk who was extremely rude and unsympathetic to
the situation and insisted that no refund was available as my daughter had not
taken the ticket guarantee. As you can appreciate this has been a very
stressful situation for us as a family not to mention the fact that I have had
to inform my daughter that at some point in her life she is likely to suffer
with breast cancer.<span class="apple-converted-space"> <u1:p></u1:p></span></span><span style="color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I understand your cancelation policy states
‘In case you have to cancel your trip and have not signed cancellation
protection, we will of course try to help you get back as much as possible of
the travel price at an administration fee. If you have signed a
cancellation policy, you can cancel your trip according to the current
cancellation policy.’<u1:p></u1:p></span><span style="color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I attach the e-mail below that my daughter
received from your company. Whilst the e-mail does state that the company can
refund some of the taxes and fees, there is no mention of whether the company
will be refunding any amount to my daughter.<span class="apple-converted-space"> <u1:p></u1:p></span></span><span style="color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I am appealing to you as one professional
women to another and as a mother to consider this situation and if possible
assist my daughter in recovering some of her money back, if not all.<span class="apple-converted-space"> <u1:p></u1:p></span></span><span style="color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I have been writing a blog regarding my
journey through this cancer and the frustrations I have had to face with
various situations that have occurred and the responses of employees of
different companies, which has surprisingly been accessed by several hundred
individuals. Not to mention the additional stress this has placed on us as a
family. The site is called<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><a href="http://www.coulditbecancer.co.uk/"><span style="color: purple;">www.coulditbecancer.co.uk</span></a><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>should you have any friends or family
that may be experiencing similar life changes.<u1:p></u1:p></span><span style="color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">I would like to thank you in advance for your
kind assistance in this matter and look forward to hearing from you.<u1:p></u1:p></span><span style="color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Kind Regards<u1:p></u1:p></span><span style="color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Harjit Gill<u1:p></u1:p></span><span style="color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; orphans: auto; text-align: start; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 11.0pt;">Solicitor</span><span style="color: black;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Within 1.5 hours this lady had responded to me and within 24
hours we were told the company would refund a substantial amount of the cost of
the flight back to my daughter. Now how impressive is that! The CEO of this company
is called Katarina Petrini and what an amazing woman to acknowledge my plea and
respond so promptly and efficiently. That is why this lady has done so well for
herself and she should be proud of who she is as a woman.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Then there are people in this world who cannot see beyond
the end of their own nose. I was in House of Fraser in Guildford the other day.
I saw a top in Coast and it was reduced by 20% due to a fault. The fault would
increase over time and the top was still quite dear but it was nice. There were
2 young women at the till and I asked if the top could be reduced any further.
One said they did not work for Coast but that she would try and locate a Coast
manager. When she left the other one whose name was Silvia, turned to me and
said, ‘we cannot reduce it any more than 20%’. When the other one returned to
inform me there was no Coast manager, I asked her if her colleague owned Coast,
but the joke went over their heads. I decided to buy the top and Silvia asks me
if I have a recognition card, I say no not knowing what one is. I buy the top
and move on to buying a jacket from another department, where the young lady
also asks me if I have a recognition card. Only this time she informs me that
she can give me a card after taking some details and I would get 20% of every
purchase. I thank her and explain that I had just bought a top from another
department and they did not tell me about this promotion, she advises me to
return to that department, which I do. I proceed to explain to Silvia what had
just happened and that she did not tell me that I would get 20% off and that
she could give me a card today. She then contacts her manager and proceeds to explain
the situation omitting parts of the truth. She then explains that she would
have to refund the top and then charge it again. While she is doing this, she
turns to me and says the promotion is all over the store. At which point I
proceed to tell her that I have just had surgery for breast cancer 10 days ago and
that I have other things on my mind than to pay attention to promotions. I also
proceed to tell her how poor her customer service was. She could not look at
me. I was so upset that I could not sign the return receipt because my hand was
shaking so much. The whole ordeal lasted around 40 minutes and all I wanted was
to buy a nice top to wear to a dance on Saturday night. Not that difficult, you
would have thought. I am now beginning to believe I must be a drama queen
because drama just seems to follow me around and if I don’t laugh I would cry
all the time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Harjithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853558258772340327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2542702890377269773.post-90684252882299383442018-03-08T13:38:00.001-08:002018-03-08T13:38:15.859-08:00Life is so Unfair
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">March 8 - L</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">ast night I had
an appointment with my consultant. He removed the drain from my back and what a
relief that was. I was so looking forward to it being removed so I could have a
decent night’s sleep. I have not slept properly since the diagnosis but since the
operation I only sleep a maximum of 1.5 hours at a time and in total probably about
3 hours each night which means I must get a snooze in during the day. Its ok to
snooze in the day but at some point, I would like to return to normal and get
back to my life and job which becomes difficult when you are not sleeping enough
at night and then feeling tired during the day. Well I lucked out there again
because lone behold I am up after a couple of hours sleep and on top of which I
am unable to smoke which is extremely frustrating and if you’re a smoker you’ll
understand how hard it is to quit especially when its forced on you. Having
said that I haven’t killed anyone yet albeit I did swear at my poor son a few
days ago for misplacing my pen. Bless him he stood his ground without upsetting
me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">As
well as removing the drain the Consultant also informed me that he had removed
5 lymph nodes 3 of which were cancerous. Not what I wanted to hear.
My heart just sank. The only people I could think of was my children and the
people who love me and how unfair it was on them. They've already had so much
to worry about. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For the first time
in 5 years I watched my daughter relax because she had stopped worrying about
her mother. The mastectomy removed the cancer, from her point of view and her
mother was on the mend. I know she will worry immensely especially as she is so
far away. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I called her earlier and again
she offers words of reassurance and steps in to the role of being a responsible
adult and offers to come back to England whenever I need.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Calibri; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Anyhow,
the consequences of the lymph nodes being cancerous means I will undergo a more
aggressive form of Chemotherapy and another operation to remove more lymph
nodes. The removal of lymph nodes increases the risk of lymphedema and long
term swelling of my right arm together with pain in that arm. Seriously, not what
I want to hear at all, that I could be left with long term health issues because
of this albeit not everyone suffers with these symptoms. I will be 47 in less
than 2 weeks’ time, I am still young with considerable life ahead of me and one
I worked hard to achieve. So, its bloody unfair to have to go through another
operation and have another drain attached to me and more time off work to
recover. We all must earn a living to survive and I don’t want my job to be
hindered by health issues, yet I have no choice in the matter, just like everything
else that is happening in my life at the moment. Life can be so unfair at
times!!!!!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Harjithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853558258772340327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2542702890377269773.post-72954994875702221872018-03-04T01:15:00.002-08:002018-03-04T01:15:52.353-08:00Being Unwell
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Since surgery I have been convalescing at my best friends
who is amazing. He has been so patient with the kids and myself even though we
have invaded his space. The breast area is painful sometimes and not at other
times. The drain, which is a tube going from my back to a bottle is
uncomfortable and limits movement especially when you try to sleep. As a result,
sleep has been limited and I do feel very tired a lot of the time. I have to
inform the nurses of the level of liquid that is being accumulated in the
bottle each day and on Friday the amount was less than 20 milliliters’. The
nurse told me to observe it over the weekend and if the amount remains low then
they would remove the drain on Monday. That would be great because then I might
be able to get some sleep. The Beast from the East has prevented me from being
able to go out because I was told the warmer the chest area remains the quicker
it was likely to heal. Not to mention the fact I am unable to drive for 2 weeks.
So, I did not want to risk it by going out in the cold for any prolonged period
of time. I did leave the house earlier in the week to go to Marks with a dear
friend who came to visit and that was nice but really cold. She was not
impressed with my warm coat. I am lucky that I am not one of those commuters
stuck somewhere on their way to work. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I have not had to take any of the codeine that I left the
hospital with, mainly because the pain has been manageable but yesterday I not
only leaned on the tubing which then pulled in my back but I also caught it in
several places as well as forget it was attached to me at one point, causing
the bottle to crash on the floor. The breast care nurse had already told me the
bottles were durable and not to worry about them falling. I have been given
anti-biotics and I am taking paracetamols as and when needed. I have been very
low over the last 12 hours or so and so I took to writing to figure out why and
this is my conclusion;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Control<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">They
take away my dignity<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">With
a flimsy hospital gown.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">They
take away my femininity<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
remove a cancerous growth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">They
take away my nicotine<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When
desperation requires a smoke.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">They
take away my immortality<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Reminding
me life is short.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">They
take away my freedom<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
imprison me in this snow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">They
take away my movement<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">With
a drain stuck in my back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">They
take away my choices<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And
feed me all that is good. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">They
take and take and take <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Until
my wings became broke.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Harjithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853558258772340327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2542702890377269773.post-34167368239410810942018-02-27T18:15:00.001-08:002018-03-02T05:05:02.957-08:00The Mastectomy and Reconstruction<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Feb 28 – So yesterday has literally just
finished and I am wide awake once again only this time I am one breast less.
The mastectomy and reconstruction was this morning. It was touch and go as to
whether it was going to proceed as we had been stuck in traffic and got to the
hospital later than requested but it did. The team who operated on me at
Princess Margaret hospital were great and Gabby, the nurse who took care of me
after was brilliant. So, thank you to you all for the incredible work you carry
out and a special thank you to my consultant for the patience and ease with
which he has dealt with me, my family and friends.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Okay, how am I really? Well, I’m awake not
because I’m in pain but because somebody inserted some Duracell batteries into
me and they won’t seem to run out. I was initially told that I would be given a
sleeping tablet which I was looking forward to but this was not the case. I
slept for about an hour from 11 p.m. but then I was wide awake. I am incredibly
surprised that I have been given paracetamols for pain relief and that these
have dealt with the pain sufficiently. I am sore around the area, just above my
ribs and if I stretch the right arm or when I move but otherwise I am as well
as can be expected. So much so that my daughter told me that I had lured them
here under false pretenses, that I didn’t really have cancer but instead I was
having a boob job. Ah if only. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">I have a drain attached to me, which is a tube going
from my back into a bottle that allows fluid from inside the breast to drain. I
have a bandaged right area and I have a very dry throat from where the tube was
inserted in to me during the operation, so I have been drinking a lot of water.
I wish I had thought about it and bought some sweets or even had some honey to
coat the throat to help with this but too late now. I was told by the consultant
to push myself to get up and about and increase blood circulation to aid
recovery, so I have been up and about. Some dear friends came to visit this
evening and we walked down to the restaurant and chatted there for a while and
then I walked back but this time taking the stairs. I am having to wear these in-flight
socks which are making my feet and legs hot however at least they are not cold
and I have a needle in my right hand which is somewhat sore and uncomfortable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Don’t get me wrong and please don’t think that I
haven’t been upset about the whole procedure. I cried this morning whilst
writing an e-mail to a friend. I cried telling my children how proud I am of
them and what they have achieved and what to do should something happen to me.
Tears in this situation are inevitable and when they come I let them take over
for those moments and then I return to reality.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">A few weeks ago, when this all started I told
you all about the private health insurance policy I took out in December 2017.
The policy is with Health online and I was sold the policy based on its
flexibility and that I could access health care at any hospital across the
country to suit my needs. However, when this process started lone behold Health
online informed me they would only cover the full cost of my treatment at their
preferred hospitals. If I was treated at another location then they would only
cover 60% of the treatment. Not something I was told when I took out the
policy. I relayed this to them when I was first referred to my consultant and
Health online confirmed they would cover the full cost of the consultation and
tests at the alternative location given the consultant was also a named
consultant at the preferred hospital. Well can you believe I received a message
yesterday from Health online informing me they would only cover 60% of that
consultation. This followed a very lengthy conversation with Health online
concerning cover of the claim itself less than 24 hours of surgery. In the morning,
I was told by the hospital that I would have to pay a deposit of £13k because
the insurers had not confirmed they would be covering the claim. Health online
then told my daughter they required confirmation from my doctor of when the
diagnosis took place and they had sent me a message requesting this
information. Can you believe they had only sent me a message requesting this
information on the 26 February 18. They had received the requested information
from my GP on the 15 February 18 and it took them over 10 days to request any
additional information from me, not to mention the audacity to say to my
daughter that they had messaged me requesting the additional information,
implying the request had been made some time ago and I had ignored it. Because
of this my daughter was extremely distressed and upset at a time when she is
having to be the responsible adult in this family and that is a lot of
pressure. At no point have Health online contacted me since this process
started to discuss the claim or the requirement for any additional information.
I then spent over an hour on the phone with Health online trying to resolve
this situation on a day where that hour should have been spent with my family
and stress free. Whilst the adviser did her upmost to resolve this for me I was
still sent a message by Health online that I refer to above. I am at a loss as
to how these companies manage to behave in this appalling manner at a time when
people most require support and empathy not to mention miss-selling policies. I
will be requesting recordings of all my telephone conversations with Health
online and the sales representative in December and challenging the decision to
only pay 60% of the initial consultation. I will also hold the company
accountable for their behavior throughout this process by publicizing their
practices. I really did not need this a day before surgery just like I really
didn’t need breast cancer to come and interrupt my life but these things
happen!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">Please follow me on twitter Harjit Gill <complete id="goog_632871661">@coulditbecance1.</complete></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Harjithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853558258772340327noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2542702890377269773.post-527129804321049202018-02-25T19:16:00.001-08:002018-02-25T23:03:22.674-08:00Back in Cancer's waiting room<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Feb 26 – It’s just gone 1.30 in the morning. I had
tried to exhaust myself so that I would be able to sleep tonight and I turned
the lights out and got under the duvet. It just wasn’t happening. I know why
because I am in the waiting room again and time is drawing near and there are
concerns. What if’s etc….. I have prepared for the worst, nothing more I can
do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">My daughter arrived Saturday night and that was
a stark reminder of reality for both of us. I had been living my life and she
had been living hers and now they are both interrupted by the ‘C’ word. There
is, anger, frustration, annoyance and most of all concern for the situation.
There is also an acceptance that this is the case and there is nothing anyone
can do to change this. I realise she is tired as she tells me that her body has
been in fight or flight mode every day last week, she was also out several
evenings and probably didn’t realise that she wasn’t giving herself enough
mental rest time given she would also have been worrying about her mum. Life
does not stop for anyone I’m afraid. She does sleep though and has a long nap
this afternoon so that was good.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">This is for her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Relax and cry daughter<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">For a little while<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Relax and cry.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Don’t be a martyr<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Let it slide.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">You taught me well<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">So release those fears.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">We may be 3 now<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Tonight, we are 4,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Tomorrow, we’ll be 5<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">And so on and so forth. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Relax and cry daughter<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">For a little while<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Relax and cry.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">I had a difficult conversation today with an ex-partner
today. I used to tell her all the time that life did not stop for anyone but
she really could not grasp that concept. There is nothing more unattractive in
a person than someone who is not willing to live the life given to them even
when you try and help them and then you realise that they have an illness and
because of this illness they are unable to see beyond their own needs. I also
see a person for whom its all too much, because life dealt her a shit hand. So,
as you are all aware I am due to go into hospital on Tuesday, I am now back in
the waiting room and my emotions are running high. My family can see this, my
friends can see this, but my ex-partner who has convinced herself that I am
doing this to her personally, can’t see this. How tragic is that when all I
have ever done is given and given to this person. I am going to tell you all a
story and let me have your thoughts. I stopped being in love with my ex by July
17 and it only took me a couple of months to work it out and tell her. So, we
split up in September last year and I said she could remain living in my house.
One Sunday morning last year she called me to tell me about how my bike had
gone missing. It was only a few weeks prior to this that I was considering
going down and collecting my bike, so I could cycle to work. She had asked the
young lad from up the road to weed our garden and she would pay him. First, my
garden is quite small and secondly it doesn’t have that many weeds. Certainly,
not enough to pay someone to pull them out. Anyhow this young man must have
removed my bike from the garage when she had gone inside and put the bike in
the back lane because it is no longer in the garage, she tells me. Muggings
here believed it. I believed that my bike had been taken by the young man from
down the road and I’m telling her to challenge them. I tell her not to worry
about it because I am concerned for her. Now a few weeks after she told me this
I had told her that I no longer trusted her, but I don’t think she got it! Well
today I told her she would have to move out and she put the phone down on me. So,
you see for the past 20 months, I have been living in a room in a shared house
with a landlady and I was beginning to enjoy my room, my own company and my own
space and she lived in my house. Now it’s time that I have my own place because
I will need my own space when I have treatment, besides I want my own
independence, thank you! I told her that I was giving her the heads up that I
would need her to move out so I could rent the house out and be able to rent my
own flat. Forget helping me with this issue, given she has been living in my
house for the past 20 months and I have been living in a room. She thought she
was the one who was worse of because she had to share the house with a lodger.
Even then she was still asking me for money. Recently she told me that I was
behaving liking a ‘brain washed monkey’ and told me that I was cold and dropped
people stone cold, be they family or partners. Why would you say that to
someone you supposedly care about when life has dealt them a bad hand. Anyhow
that was not what I needed today of all days and it really confirmed how much
this person drained the life out of me and how much I let them. Never again. My daughter told me last year that I needed radiators in my life and not drains and more recently another special person told me the exact same thing. Clever people hey!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The day
continues and we have things to do to ensure we are organized over the coming
days. I.e. food shopping, a few toiletries, dinner, etc. Oh and I had decided
to cook one of their favorites, tandoori chicken, so I had to get some extra
things because my son is now also here and I am so pleased to see him. I enjoy
marinating the chicken as my best friend and children talk. He gives my son a
spare phone, for which I thank him and he says not at all, that’s my son. How
amazing is it that my best friend sees my son as his son. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am also secretly excited about my life if
all goes well but I daren’t tell anyone that because I am scared that someone
will burst my bubble of being able to see the world with more clarity. So, I
decided to share my fears with you all and release them in to the universe and
let the universe deal with them. Thank you, Al,-anon for keeping me sane
through all of this.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Tomorrow I have to go to the Royal Berkshire
hospital, nuclear department, for a radioactive injection which is a bit of a
trek but a 5 minute procedure and then we can enjoy the remainder of the day,
which I thoroughly intend to with my nearest and dearest, before I go in to the
Op on Tuesday morning. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Harjithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853558258772340327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2542702890377269773.post-91345092449881053982018-02-21T06:39:00.000-08:002018-02-25T20:43:07.124-08:00The Spa Experience<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">I
text a colleague as I need to consider making a will, when it’s the last thing
you want to do or face. It’s only an operation I tell myself, I’ve had a few in
my lifetime, a C-section, a fractured jaw in a foreign country, an ACL
reconstruction and there were no complications. Therefore, based on previous
history I should be okay but the devil is always there. Contingency plans must
be made for those, just in case, life moments and my god that is seriously
scary. Its real too and when you know it’s real, you have no other option but
to live it. I have been very fortunate because of my employer who has been extremely
supportive over the last few weeks. I cannot say how much stress they relieved
in an instant. So, a couple of days ago, I woke up and felt very uneasy and of
course there was a song to go with the moment (Monsters of men, ‘thousand eyes’)
and for those of you who don’t know it click the link <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wylkSUS9Ofs">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wylkSUS9Ofs</a>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 22.5pt;">Thousand Eyes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #777777; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.google.co.uk/search?rlz=1C5CHFA_enGB737GB737&q=Of+Monsters+and+Men&stick=H4sIAAAAAAAAAONgVuLSz9U3yEjPqcjIAQA_ZkXfDgAAAA&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiLt5Kx7K7ZAhVnLMAKHWc5B5AQMQgsMAA"><span style="color: #660099; text-decoration: none;">Of Monsters and
Men</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12pt;">Unto this storm</span></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Unto this storm</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">
</span>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Unto this storm</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">And wait</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I can't control</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Withering wonders</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Flowers that lose their shape</span></div>
<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12pt;">I lie awake</span></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">And watch it all</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">
</span>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">It feels like thousand eyes</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I lie awake</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">And watch it all</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">It feels like thousand eyes</span></div>
<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12pt;">I'll be the calm</span></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I will be quiet</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">
</span>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Stripped to the bone</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I wait</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">No, I'll be a stone</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I'll be the hunter</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Tower that casts a shade</span></div>
<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12pt;">I lie awake</span></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">And watch it all</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">
</span>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">It feels like thousand eyes</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I lie awake</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">And watch it all</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">It feels like thousand eyes</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I lie awake</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">And watch it all</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">It feels like thousand eyes</span></div>
<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12pt;">I am the storm</span></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I am the storm</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">
</span>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">I am the storm</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">So wait</span></div>
<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Unfortunately,
the storm cannot be undone and while it’s trying to break through, it’s still
in the background because there were many songs that followed this one and they
all spoke a thousand emotions. The fears subside and I continue with my day. A
day where an unbelievable memory had occurred but this was another story. A
friend of mine had taken me down to the coast a few days ago and the weather
could not have been more perfect for me. It was warm, I wasn’t cold at all and I
could be cold in an oven. I walked, I cycled, I explored, the sun was warm on
my face, the breeze was warm and the sea was just incredible and peaceful. In
fact, I would go as far as to say, I could not have asked for more. It was perfect.
I am so fortunate to have love, peace and tranquility at such a turbulent time.
The most incredible thing about the last 24 hours was they were real, true,
honest and genuine. The beauty, the tranquility, the intensity, the peace
within my soul is beyond words. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">The
thing is with every joyous moment comes a reality check and this morning I
realise that I am the storm that is brewing and I feel immensely sad for having
to put my loved ones through this storm. I know they will cope but that isn’t
the point. All I hope is I can contain the storm as far as possible without to
much fall out. Not to control the situation but to protect it from further damage.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Yesterday,
my dear friend took me away to a spa hotel and its special and relaxing because
we can talk, actually talk and listen to each other. She is my adoptive daughter but one I can be silly with also.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">I
went to see the consultant yesterday, my daughter was on load speaker and my
friend was present in the room. The MRI did not raise any issues except for the
fact there were more cancerous cells in the right breast than previously
suspected and at that point he would have recommended a mastectomy if there
were any doubts. Also, there was a very small lump in the left breast which he
would like to investigate further, but unlikely to be anything suspicious. However,
I am booked in for an ultrasound on Thursday together with pre-ops. If the scan
shows any abnormality with the lump then he would remove it during surgery. To
do this, I will need to attend a licensed hospital to have a radioactive
injection into the left breast. I am now booked in for surgery on the morning
of 27 February, 2.5 hours is all it will take to remove part of my womanhood. Thanks
a bunch, just as I confirm and accept my own sexuality. I’ll be in hospital for
1-2 days and then able to recover at home for 6-8 weeks. Further discussion
takes place around the risk of reconstructive surgery particularly when you are
a smoker. I consider the fact that smoking increases risk of complications in
any surgery and if that happens, then the implant would be removed to allow the
wound to heal. Reconstruction would then take place in 2 years’ time. My assessment
of the situation was that I haven’t smoked properly for some time, but if I don’t
give my myself the chance to be able to live without the additional emotional
turmoil, of not having a breast for 2 years, each time I wash, shower or look in
the mirror, then I haven’t given myself the best chance of survival,
emotionally that is. The consultant asks me to undress so I can be measured and
whilst he is measuring my breast he asks me how the MRI went. You can imagine
my reaction and I tell him about the whole experience for which he appeared
genuinely sorry. Another issue to raise at some point. My daughter sounds
worried and I agree to call her after I have spoken to the nurse. She is
concerned about any complications and the thing is I truly understand the
concern of loved ones given earlier in the day a friend of mine had given me a
lecture on smoking. I appreciate their concern but sometimes there is just too much
to deal with and you need something for you that allows you to cope and manage
a situation albeit I am no longer smoking, as such. I am fairly resilient but
we all need something to keep us going when things are difficult. Besides we must
pick our battles and I am hoping to win this one for myself, my life and of
course all of you. I enter the next phase feeling very blessed and fortunate.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Please go away and check your breasts today.</div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
Harjithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853558258772340327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2542702890377269773.post-52514217438285257422018-02-15T15:19:00.000-08:002018-02-15T19:10:56.199-08:00The definition of insanity, doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different outcome!<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Insanity<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times";"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">The
definition of insanity, doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a
different outcome. I promised myself, that was not going to happen from here on,
but blimey I feel insane at times. Like I have lost the plot completely. So,
last week I replied to an e-mail, but addressed the e-mail to another person. Earlier
in the week I put the incorrect postcode of the hospital into, good old google
and again to another place. Yesterday, I turned up to the hairdressers a week
early, then I could not find my car in the car park. I must have walked round
level 4 twice thinking, I know this is the level. Walked by it once and didn’t
even realize. Was I loosing the plot? A friend told me tonight that it’s a safety
strategy (psychological flight).. designed to protect me from overwhelm and
feelings of annihilation and that it was normal. I had some idea from the days
I studied psychology but someone has confirmed it and validated my own
thoughts. Our bodies do some strange things to manage a situation, when it is
under attack, things we have no understanding of as lay people. Our human
psyche is incredibly complexed and given we are all unique, it’s incredible
that research can ascertain patterns of </span><span style="font-size: 18px;">behaviour</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">. Anyway, given I now forget
things literally as I put the phone down, so I know my short-term memory loop
is in overload and does not retain the information. I have resorted to a paper
diary, ensuring I write things down whilst on the phone. However, after today’s
incident with the hairdresser, I must now remember to check the times and dates
of appointments twice with whomever I am speaking to. Ironic, isn’t is that I’m
having to remember to engage in a different process in addition to the existing one. I believe much of this, is adapting and making the most of the
resources available to you and I </span><span style="font-size: 18px;">realised</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">, that was something I have done all
my life, </span><span style="font-size: 18px;">utilised</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"> the limited resources available to me to source a positive
outcome, generally for us as a family, now I must do it for myself. So, if
nothing else, do one thing for yourself today and make yourself feel worth it
and worthwhile and that includes (M) keep painting those nails, lol.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Harjithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853558258772340327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2542702890377269773.post-61040076634793021092018-02-13T17:59:00.002-08:002018-02-13T18:09:46.435-08:00LiFe<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">LiFe<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">For your kindness,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">I am thankful.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">For your concern, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">I am grateful.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">For your gestures <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">I regret,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Perhaps you will ask<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">And we shall dance again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">For your words<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
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<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Are music to my ears.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">And this song</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Peace to my soul.</span></div>
Harjithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853558258772340327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2542702890377269773.post-11097659462407612852018-02-13T17:03:00.000-08:002018-02-14T15:40:48.566-08:00Fear<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Fear<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">The darkness ensues<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">With a noose round my neck<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">And a fog descends<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">As my limbs go dead<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Please just pass by<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Do not stay<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">If you must stay<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Do so,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Just a short while.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">And be on your way<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Let me live<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">She prays!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">It’s incredible how quickly you can fall and
start to doubt yourself and who you are, once you find a degree of clarity. All
that is required for that to happen is feeling physically unwell and then negativity
from people, whoever they may be. Strangers, loved ones……..<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Yesterday started with a call to China Airlines.
You see I have a flight booked to go to Australia. I was in the thrall of
planning a trip of a lifetime as a family. I was due to fly out on 16 March 18
and return on 8 April 2018. Anyhow that is not happening! The Airline refers me
to the travel agent. The guy I speak to at Opodo was incredibly insensitive and
refused to take on board what I was saying until I asked to speak to his supervisor.
Only then did he agree to look into this and speak to the Airline. I have since
received an e-mail requesting medical evidence. So that sounds promising.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">I then had to have another difficult
conversation because by now I have had several messages from a friend. So, by
the time I get to use the shower. The water is cold again, no, I tell a lie, it
was luke warm for a few minutes. That was the third day running, so now the
pressure is building and I can feel it. My stomach is now starting to hurt
because everything I ate in the previous 24 hours had passed straight threw me.
I put the postcode for the hospital into google maps. Oh, yes where would be
without google maps. Off I go and for the first time it’s taken me to a
completely different location and I’m talking to my son telling him I’m not
feeling great and this isn’t even the hospital. I tell him I must go. I check
the postcode and lone behold I had put in the wrong postcode. Great I get to
the hospital with only a few minutes to spare. I check and go to get a drink to
calm down but they call my name. Brilliant, I think to myself this should be straight
forward. I’m listening to my music when the radiographer, I think, called me.
He asked me to remove all my top garments, put on a gown and bring my music with
me, if I preferred that playing during the scan. I was just getting myself
sorted and he’s outside asking if I’m ready. ‘Are you in a rush or something’,
I thought, especially as I am paying for this. I follow him into a room and he
asks me to lay on a scanning bed and starts to go through the procedure. I don’t
like him. He is going to put a drip in to my arm and I ask him for my music, I tell
him the room is cold. Oh, he says it’ll just take a minute now. I don’t protest
because hey, it must be done. Ah that hurt I say, because I felt the tube go
into my arm and I feel its presence. I feel very cold. He then places, what
appears to be a tube, into my hand and walks me into another room. I’m now cold,
I have tummy ache and my arm hurts. I am asked to lie on this bed faced down at
a 20 – 30 degree angle. I must place my breasts into these holes and lye on my
stomach for 35 minutes and they will play my music. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The female radiographer places something in my
hand should I feel uncomfortable at any point, I could squeeze it. What she
didn’t say is you can squeeze it and this is what would happen. Had she told
me, I would have known what to expect. I move into the scanner now and I can’t
hear my music, all I can hear are the loud noises coming from the scanner. I
pluck up the courage to say, can you turn my music up, I repeat myself again
and then I realize that I haven’t squeezed the alarm. I’m also fidgeting
because my tummy is hurting and I can’t move and the pain is increasing with
each breathe. I squeeze and say ‘turn my music up’. He shouts, ‘stop fidgeting’.
WTF, is what I’m thinking. I repeat again, ‘put my music up’, I have no energy
to say please or thank you. He turns it up slightly and tells me my phone
wouldn’t go any louder and he could turn on their music if I wanted it louder.
Which bit of I would like my music didn’t he hear but he just can’t be bothered
to devote a few extra minutes to making another human being feel comfortable. The
scanning carries on and I can’t stop it now, the pain is unbearable and tears
are flowing uncontrollably and there is nothing I can do. I felt so helpless. I
didn’t know how much time had passed and how long we had left in that tunnel
but I got to a point where I could not breathe because I needed to blow my
nose. I squeezed hard and said I need to blow my nose. The female radiographer
came in first and she’s telling me not to move. I tell her I need some tissues.
Then he comes in and starts telling me that I can’t move, they only have 3
minutes to go. I calm down a little, 3 more minutes. If I can blow some of this
snot out, then I can breathe and I can try to control the pain in my stomach. I
need to blow my nose I say. He shouts again that I can’t move. I’m blubbering
at this point and I say, ‘ I won’t move but I need to blow my nose first. I say
that I have had an upset tummy for 24 hours and it’s causing me distress. I am
having to be assertive at a time when my whole being is most vulnerable. The
next 3 minutes or so were excruciatingly painful on my stomach and it took me a
while to move off the bed because of the pain. He asks, if I need a hand to
move and I say ‘No I just need a few minutes, that’s all’. A few minutes later
he asks again, at this point my head was screaming ‘are you not listening’. I
felt so upset when I came out of the hospital. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Despite this I did push myself to go and get
something to eat and then did some retail therapy and brought myself a nice
pair of jeans and a top. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">I could see that fear had been building up
inside me for a few days and I was beginning to hold back with people about how
I was feeling about everything. The fact I didn’t hold back with my doctor
showed me that releasing the fears and disappointments, anger, joy and pride, I
was able speak to him without the fear he would feel sorry for me. I could let
him into my life in a professional capacity, albeit a glimpse of my reality and
that returned some balance into my soul. I’m young, I have freedom and
independence and I am very fortunate, but not everyone is a fortunate,
especially the elderly and those in the LGBT community, so please support your
elderly relatives, friends, neighbors and anyone else you feel is vulnerable
today.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Harjithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853558258772340327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2542702890377269773.post-78145460228409131842018-02-11T20:04:00.000-08:002019-06-19T10:18:44.193-07:00Life, sometimes, is a real bitch!<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">My favorite lady<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Her embrace radiates this calm<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">And I relax, into her arms.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Her big brown eyes lure me in,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Deeper and deeper the souls sucked in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Into the river, into the sea<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">I breath and she sighs,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">A casual, long sigh.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Then rests her head under my chin.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Her heart beating next to mine<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">And a harmony begins, to chime. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">I have never been an animal person. The kids had
rabbits after I had built a 2 story rabbit mansion, but that’s another story. I
never really gazed into the eyes of an animal and looked deep into their soul
until recently. She is a dog and she is the most beautiful creature I have ever
seen. She just takes your affection whether you want to part with it or not and
she does this without making a single demand on you. Before I knew it, I was
sucked into this soul, considering my eyes and literally caressing my soul,
like she knew there was something wrong. I spent the whole of yesterday afternoon
cuddling this creature and her letting me. She made me feel so calm and
peaceful. Her owner on the other hand, I think, felt a tad bit jealous! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">As for the owner, well she was subjected to
remarks about her limited knowledge of technology, she laughs. I rant she interrupts
and sometimes changes the story, she realizes that if it’s important I’ll come
back to it. I realise I talk a too much about my children, well that’s me and I
know she listens to me repeat things. I’m losing the plot and I remind myself,
that it’s okay because I have no choice whatsoever other than to be me because I
have no energy to be anyone else. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">If I could scream it at the top of my lungs to
the whole world, I would. I could not be prouder of both my children, for their
love, respect, generosity, honesty and true kindness. My best friend reminded
me tonight, something I had forgotten and that is, they are my blood. They are
the absolute best parts of me and the best parts of the world they are living
in. They are 2 fantastic human beings and I’m not saying this because they are
my children but truly they touch people in their lives. Of course, I’m saying
this because I am biased, I am their mother and if I don’t say it who else will
tell them, that they are beautiful human beings. Maybe this is about me facing
my own mortality because even though this disease is treatable, I must face the
fact I will be monitored for a considerable period over the coming years to
ensure the cancer does not return. Even if it doesn’t return in the first 5
years there is no guarantee that it will never return. So, what they are really
saying is we can monitor you but there is no definitive conclusion, available.
All research is based on the recorded medical reason for death, as being
cancer, however we don’t really know how many people die from other illnesses
that only develop because of an immune system being shattered by Chemotherapy.
In any event, it’s here and there is absolutely nothing I can do about this,
other than live and cherish the relationships I have, be they, strangers, colleagues,
friends and family, every day. I have every intention of living my life for me
and no one else, until of course I have grandchildren! Well, that’ll be another
story! Be kind to one another because it's so easy to take people for granted!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">The 2 songs that hit home today are: Editors ‘an
end has a start’. And Nina Simone ‘Ain’t Got No, I Got Life’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Harjithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853558258772340327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2542702890377269773.post-90538685491498988402018-02-09T17:36:00.004-08:002018-02-09T17:40:49.502-08:00A Sixth Sense<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">A roller coaster is what I’m on and it’s going
to stop with a thud on the 27 February, that’s the date of the OP. Firstly, I
am a glutton for punishment, so I am going to live the high to the maximum
because I know I’m going to land so hard, that pain and despair, will cushion
the blow. I’m trying hard to be real here but I am aware that forces greater
than me have been at work here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">I say that with an unusual sixth sense that
appeared in December 2017. I received a wage increase and thought I’d put the
money to use and start looking after me. I’d spent far too long looking after
others, no more I say. So, I take out medical health insurance. Imagine that
and because of that cover I’ve had all my tests and scans done super quick. You
really can’t make this shit up, can you? Plus, I’ve just signed up to a private
GP, who was on the phone to me within 5 minutes of me requesting a call.
Unbelievable! So just to remind you all, this is the doctor I saw right at the beginning
of this journey and this professional listened to what I had to say this
afternoon and within an hour or so I had an e-mail. Now, that is pretty awesome!
How many people in their life can feel so at ease with their GP after 1 consultation.
Most of us see various GP’s in our lifetime and never look forward to the
experience, plus they barely have time on their plate to devote to patients.
Like, there life isn’t difficult enough, let’s make you feel worse about the
wonderful profession you chose to undertake. Love our government. Rant over
with.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Lone behold this happens, at a time in my life,
I needed insurance the most. That’s not because I have no faith in the NHS but
because the speed at which I have been dealt with, the fact the consultant
handed control over to me, in respect of my treatment, after providing me with
all the options and risks, the fact it’s all been stress free, has had an
enormous impact on my emotional well-being. Involving me, my family and friends
through this process, reassuring us that our questions were valid and relevant
and giving me choices has been vital in this journey. I truly believe my
consultant understands it is our journey and not his. How cool is that!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times"; font-size: 13.5pt;">So when you have such wonderful support like
this it is difficult to be negative and that is real. I told my GP I smile more
than I cry so whilst that is happening I am going to enjoy every moment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Harjithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853558258772340327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2542702890377269773.post-14593477608229729282018-02-09T16:07:00.000-08:002018-02-09T16:12:41.121-08:00Life will deliver me!!!!My promise to my life! My promise to live, to care for me, finally! I know, Tracy sure has been great during these beautiful moments! Thank you Tracy!<br />
<br />
<div class="lyricsh" style="background-color: #ccccdd; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13.4px; text-align: center;">
<h2 style="box-sizing: border-box; color: inherit; font-family: inherit; font-size: 22px; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 20px;">
<span style="box-sizing: border-box;">Tracy Chapman Lyrics</span></h2>
</div>
<div class="ringtone" style="background-color: #ccccdd; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13.4px; padding: 30px 0px; text-align: center;">
<span id="cf_text_top" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><table align="center" style="background-color: transparent; border-collapse: collapse !important; border-spacing: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; cursor: pointer !important; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", Arial, Helvetica; height: 50px !important; margin: 0px auto !important; max-width: 400px; width: 400px;"><tbody style="box-sizing: border-box;">
<tr style="box-sizing: border-box;"><td style="box-sizing: border-box; padding: 0px; text-align: right; vertical-align: middle !important; width: 40px !important;"><div style="background-color: #e4e4e4; border-radius: 50%; box-sizing: border-box; height: 40px; position: relative !important; right: -2px !important; width: 40px;">
<span aria-hidden="true" class="fa fa-play" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #213374; display: inline-block; font-family: "fontawesome important"; font-size: 24px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: 1; position: relative; right: 8px; top: 8px;"></span></div>
</td><td style="box-sizing: border-box; padding: 0px; text-align: center !important; vertical-align: middle !important;"><div style="box-sizing: border-box; color: rgb(33, 51, 116) !important; font-size: 15px; font-weight: bold; padding: 0px 8px;">
Play "Devotion"</div>
<div style="border-top: 3px solid rgb(177, 177, 177); box-sizing: border-box; color: #616161; font-size: 12px;">
on Amazon Music</div>
</td><td style="box-sizing: border-box; padding: 0px; vertical-align: middle !important; width: 40px !important;"><div style="background-color: #e4e4e4; border-radius: 50%; box-sizing: border-box; height: 40px; left: -2px !important; position: relative !important; width: 40px;">
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<span style="background-color: #ccccdd; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "verdana" , "arial"; font-size: 13.4px; font-weight: 700; text-align: center;">"Devotion"</span><br />
<br />
<div style="background-color: #ccccdd; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13.4px; text-align: center;">
If I am right<br />
If I can be<br />
Constant and faithful<br />
You'll find me<br />
<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />
In my devotion<br />
In my devotion<br />
<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />
What if you find a fault<br />
Between my purpose and my deeds<br />
And deem me beyond salvation<br />
Judge me to be unworthy<br />
<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />
Of your devotion<br />
Of your devotion<br />
<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />
If this be obsession deliver me<br />
A passing infatuation deliver me<br />
A feeling lacking in purity deliver me<br />
A test of fidelity deliver me<br />
Deliver me<br />
Deliver me<br />
<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />
What if I should find<br />
You're no good for me<br />
What if I can't be strong enough<br />
What if I can't break free<br />
<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />
Of my devotion<br />
Of my devotion</div>
Harjithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10853558258772340327noreply@blogger.com0